siblings - Worth my Wait

OH MY! OH MY! OH MY! If that doesn’t sum up the last year I don’t know what does!

My last post was in March of 2020. We had just arrived home from North Carolina and I was so excited to announce the arrival of our sweet baby Mikey. A few days later–we went into the “15 day” lockdown that became life as we know it for the indefinite future.. with no light at the end of the tunnel for a large chunk of that time. Here we are 13 months later, and I am so grateful to say that my brother, parents, and I are all vaccinated. Life seems to be returning to some sense of normalcy– but needless to say I have not sat down to write for quite some time. We have a lot of catching up to do!

Let me back up to where I left off on my last post… Mikey was two months old, Riley two years old, and we were ALL adjusting to our new family and the changes it brought. I would be lying if I said that it was all hugs, kisses, and smiles–it was amazing and wonderful for sure–but it was also a very challenging time, full of emotions and tears (from everyone).

My family was right there to support and I am forever grateful. Dan stood by my side (both physically and emotionally) the entire time in North Carolina and continued to be my rock when we arrived home. I had a lot of anxiety about how Riley was going to handle having a new baby brother. He had been the center of the universe (and rightfully so) in our family for two years and no matter how hard I tried, he was going to be sharing some of that time and attention with Mikey. I talked to him a lot throughout the 7 months we waited for the birth and did my best to prepare him. Having a baby brother in and of itself is a lot for a two year old to process. Add a trip across the country, a two weeks waiting for that baby to arrive, and an almost month long stay in North Carolina (in two separate airbnbs and two nights in a hotel without mama for the first time), and that takes it to a whole new level.

Life was was much different for everyone when we got home. I felt an added pressure that I think many parents feel when the second baby arrives. I wanted to make sure that Mikey got all of the love, cuddles, and bonding time he needed with mama–especially since he did grow inside of me. That first few weeks felt even more critical to create a bond with him. I also was so worried about taking away my time from Riley. I never wanted him to feel like he was missing out on any of mama’s love or attention with new baby in the house. I designated specific “Mama & Ri Ri times” throughout the day. We would color, read, paint, or even just have time to sit and cuddle or eat together, just mama and Riley. Riley and I also have a very special bedtime routine that started when he was an infant. I have only missed putting him to bed a handful of times since the day he was born and this was one of the things that I really wanted to keep as consistent as possible for him. Dan and I switch off each night so that both Mikey and Riley get one on one time for bath. Since Mikey goes to bed before Riley, I am still able to sneak out for the end of story time, sing our song (You Are My Sunshine) and put Riley to bed after Mikey goes down. This would not be possible without my brother–who does not go to bed now until after 7:30 some nights and has to be up by 1:30 for work. NO words to express my gratitude…

Parenting is amazing and hard all at the same time. AND my parents (speaking of amazing) continue to be there for me (42 years later) as I navigate through this journey. Not only are they a tremendous support to me, but they are incredible grandparents (or Gaga and Papa as the boys call them) who shower us with love each and every day. They picked us up at the airport the day we flew home, and have been on our doorstep every morning (and often before 7:30 am) since.

So there we were adjusting to our new family–slowly getting into a rhythm… and then came (insert the dramatic sounds effects—DUN DUN DUN)… THE PANDEMIC.

When the news first started reporting about the virus, I honestly didn’t think it was a big deal. We Riley’s first trip to Disneyland booked for April, I was getting in a quick trip to the gym during nap time every day, and I wasn’t too concerned at all. Ironically I was at the gym the day the lockdown was first put into effect- gyms, parks, schools, and all businesses that were not considered “essential” were closing. People were told not to leave their house unless they were going to work But my parents decided that they would limit their “bubble” to include my house and their house. So we started our “15 day” lock down with our six person bubble–my parents, my brother, Riley, Mikey, and me. Fifteen days, turned into weeks–and slowly we watched more and more things close. Weeks turned into months, and we waited and waited. Riley turned 3 in May and we had a Pirate themed celebration. I did everything I could to make it as special as we could for him even–and we had family and friends drive by and honk while he sat in his pirate ship on the front lawn. We made the best

of the situation and he had a great day.

Summer came and went with nothing too exciting–it was becoming more and more challenging to not be able to see friends or have play dates. Before I knew it the school year was ready to begin. I took a part time position this year at school to be home one day a week and give my parents a bit of a break. Riley would be attending the preschool program on my campus and would be able to go to school with me every morning. My parents so graciously volunteered to take care of Mikey for me on the days I worked. It was the perfect plan—and then—THE PANDEMIC PIVOT (as I have decided to call it).

The school year started with 100% distance learning. My sweet Riley’s first day of preschool and his entire school year has been on Zoom. It has been challenging to say the least. It almost seems ridiculous to even ask 3 year olds to sit on an ipad for school—but it was definitely the only option for majority of the year. Our virtual school year experience is enough for a whole other post (or two–stay tuned), but for now, I will just say that we are ALL looking forward to the Fall when he can hopefully enter the classroom for the first time.

And my MIKEY… where to begin?! I can hardly believe he is going to be 16 months old. He is walking (running really), climbing (on anything and everything), giggling (his gut laugh is contagious), and SLEEPING like a champ for his mama. There is something about this little boy that is pure magic. He is a bundle pure joy and has brought so much light and energy to our family. The poor little guy has still not met some of my closest friends and family–and we are hopeful that 2021 will be better. He had a Cookie Monster themed first birthday in January. It was definitely a small celebration–but a special day.

The brother bond between Riley and Mikey is evident and pretty incredible to watch. They have so many of the same mannerisms and facial expressions. Mikey already looks up to his big brother and wants to do everything he does. Riley always goes with me to get Mikey in the morning when he wakes up. Riley climbs into the crib and the way Mikey looks up at him fills my heart with so much joy. I am not going to lie… there are A LOT of hard and challenging moments–and days where I feel like I am doing it all wrong. But then there are moments like this morning… I came out to sit on the recliner chair and feed Mikey his bottle. Riley curled up next to me and put his hand on the bottle. Mikey reached out his hand and curled his fingers around Riley’s. Riley began to sing to him… “go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep little Mikey”. It is those moments that I cherish and hold onto.

There are so many more things I want to share… but I wanted to start with a WELCOME BACK post to give a little update on where we’ve been… I am going to set out time each week to get back to my writing. Most nights by the time both boys are asleep and I sit down on the couch, I can’t keep my eyes open!!! Even this post took me about 4 days to complete. I definitely don’t always know the answers and make a lot of mistakes along the way–but it’s very important to me that I share our journey and what I learn along the way.

It has definitely been a while since my last post. TRUST me when I tell you that I have been waiting and waiting for the day that I could come on and SHARE our AMAZING news. But of course, the teacher in me wants to tell the story from the beginning…So… here it goes!

It was a Thursday afternoon in June 2019. I was sitting in my first grade classroom with my first grade team and the Kindergarten team. We were making plans for the 2020-2021 school year as the current year was coming to an end (waaaaaay later then everyone else I might add). My phone buzzed and when I looked down, I saw I was receiving a facebook message from Riley’s birth mom. I had sent her a picture from his second birthday a week or two before and figured she was replying to that message. As soon as I read her message, “What was the name of the adoption agency we used for Riley?”, I got butterflies in my stomach……I did not even need to ask the next question because I already knew the answer… but I wrote back anyway, “Why, are you pregnant?” She answered quickly that she was seven weeks pregnant and had decided not to keep the baby. She told me her and the birth father (the same biological father as Riley) would love nothing more then for me to adopt this baby as well. I suppose I felt much like a woman feels when she finds out she is pregnant and it was totally unplanned.

People had asked me many times if I thought Riley’s birth mom would ever get pregnant again and I honestly did not think so. I had given away most all of Riley’s newborn things, and thanked the universe daily for making my dream of becoming a mom come true. Riley is everything I ever dreamed of and so much more. He has brought more joy into my heart and soul and to our family then I could ever express in words. The funny thing is that after he turned a year old, I had started to feel a little sad that Riley did not have a sibling to grow up with. My twin brother, Dan, is my best friend and I can’t imagine life without him. I had recently been thinking about maybe looking into fostering to adopt. But there was a lot to consider when making that decision…. as a single mom, I needed to make sure that I had the finances to support two children. I also know that the foster to adopt journey can be very emotional and that children may come and go from our house. I had to consider how this would affect my sweet Riley. I also knew that it would be a lot for my family. I have been so blessed to have the unending support of my brother (who lives with us) and my mom and dad (who take care of Riley every day when I am at work). I could never ask or expect them to do the same for two children. Needless to say, I had not made any decisions as of that afternoon in June.

I read it again, “Yes, I am 7 weeks pregnant and due January 4″. You are our first choice to be the mother”. IN flowed the emotions… excitement, fear, surprise, worry, happiness, joy, nervousness…. I could go on and on… and I am not one to hide my emotions so everyone in the room quickly heard the news. Although I was flooded with feelings and emotion–I was positive in that moment the little angel growing inside her belly was meant to be with us. My subconscious (and my heart) took over as my fingers frantically typed YES YES YES! I was going to be a mom of two and RILEY WAS GOING TO BE A BIG BROTHER!!!!

This was much different then two years ago when I got the news about Riley. I did not get the call until May 9 and he was born on May 26, 2016. I had only a few weeks to prepare and everything happened very fast. She was only 7 weeks pregnant at this point…. and January felt so far away. So much could happen between now and then and I knew it was going to be an emotional journey. Even though I did not know what the future would bring, there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be that baby’s momma and I would do whatever it took to keep these two siblings together.

I wanted to be able to tell my family in person, so I waited until I got home that day to share the news. They were all a little (OK COMPLETELY) shocked and unsure how to react at first. All of their feelings stemmed from their love of both Riley and I. They wanted to make sure that I was not taking on more then I could handle, physically, emotionally, or financially. I also wanted them to know that I would never expect them to support 2 children and I the way they had for the last 2 and a half years. They have truly given their lives to us for which I am forever thankful. I know they were nervous, scared, and anxious, but they told me they would always be here to support me.

Since she was only 7 weeks pregnant, I was nervous to share the news with too many people. I wanted to wait until she was at least through her first trimester. Once again, I felt like a pregnant women must feel when she learns the exciting news and then has to wait to make sure everything is ok to share. It sounds silly, but I really felt like I was getting the true feeling mentally and emotionally of motherhood this time around. I must also say here, that although I will never be able to fully understand how it feels physically (or emotionally or mentally for that matter) to carry a baby for nine months, but I am forever thankful to the birth mom (and all birth moms) for their strength. Week 12 arrived and I could not keep the news to myself any longer. I would of course not post anything on social media until after the birth (or very close to it as it turned out), but I began to share with my circle of friends and family. Although the overwhelming response was happiness and excitement, I would be lying if I said that I did not receive any skepticism or questions. Most of this skepticism was around being a single mom of 2 children both under the age of 3. Some of the most common concerns and questions I heard were: “How will you afford 2?”, “Do you know how much work it is to have 2 children on your own?” “How will you afford day care?” I listened to each question and responded each time in a similar way… “I can’t tell you exactly how I will make it all work, but I can tell you I will”. There was never one doubt in my mind that this baby was coming home to live with us, and I was ready to do whatever I had to for my family.

The blessing of having so much time until the birth was being able to make plans. From the most basic plans of traveling to North Carolina (which is a lot of logistics by itself), to the more complex financial and career plans. Like I said earlier, the last two and a half years have been amazing–and I can’t imagine how I would have done it without my parents and my brother. However, I would never expect my parents to watch two children full time. I was also very sensitive to the fact that my brother is a morning news director and gets up every morning at 1:30 a.m. He has lost MANY hours of sleep over the last 2.5 years (and never complained once) and given ENDLESS support to both Riley and I. I told him right away that I understood if he felt like two little humans was too much and didn’t want to live together anymore. And so my research began… I priced different preschools for Riley, possible day care for new baby, a part-time nanny, or even a live in au pair (if my brother moved out). I calculated my current monthly expenses and then added on what I thought the extra expenses would be with the new little one. With my teaching salary, my Rodan + Fields business, and my new business in the financial industry (another stay at home business–more on that later), I was confident I could afford it on my own. We would live simply, but both of my children would live in a warm house, with warm clothes, food on the table, and more love then I could ever measure for the rest of their lives.

One of the things that I asked of the birth mom was to find out the gender of the baby. I had a lot of things left from when Riley was a baby and since I had so much time to prepare, I loved the idea of being able to get everything all set! It may sound silly, but since I could not carry the baby myself and was all the way across the country, it also made me feel a little more connected if I knew the gender. Birth mom said she was completely ok with that and gave me the date of her first ultrasound. I marked it in my calendar and counted down the days! She had a 9:00 am appointment on September 4….Since she is in North Carolina, this meant it would be 6:00 am in California. I waited and waited and waited for my phone to go off. Before I knew it, it was lunchtime at school and still no word. I finally heard from her later that day (she had forgotten her phone at home) and told me that they were not able to see the gender and she had to go back in a month. EEEEK! So I marked my calendar again and waited. To be totally honest, something inside of me really thought it was going to be a girl (as did many of my friends and family). There was another part of me that wondered if the next ultrasound would even be able to show the gender. 30 days felt like 100 and I continued to remain in a place of gratitude and thanks. That October morning came and I of course started checking my phone right at 6 am. I even texted birth mom at 5:30 am “Happy Gender Reveal Day!!! Can’t wait to hear”! I was on Fall Break and at a library with Riley and my parents for story time when I felt my phone buzz. “They were able to see the gender–are you ready LOL”…. I frantically typed back–“YES YES YES!!!” She replied, “You are officially a boy mom”! My heart exploded and I looked up at my parents and whispered “It’s a boy”! Riley was going to be a big brother AND to a baby boy!!! My brother was at work and was the next person I messaged. I will never forget his reply—I could feel his excitement coming through even on text (as silly as that sounds) and he even admitted feeling a little choked up. Although I had always envisioned having at least one daughter (and who knows what the future holds) I was over the moon with the blessing of raising two little boys.

I had already began to make a list of names even before I knew the gender. But honestly, I really only had one boy name that I was positive about. It was very important to me that Riley have my dad’s name, Patrick, as his middle name. My dad is an amazing man and it is important to me his name live on in Riley. Another very amazing man in our lives was my grandfather Joseph, or as we called him Papa Joe. He passed away almost 2 years ago and left us all a little bit of an inheritance. My parents handed me the check a few days after I found out about the second baby and I knew in that moment that my grandfather was supporting me through this process. “Joseph” is also my brother Dan’s middle name and it just seemed like a perfect fit. I have always loved the name “Mikey”. And so I had it, Michael Joseph Twomey, and we would call him Mikey He was my miracle… My MIKEY MIRACLE!

There is lots more to this story and the author in me wants to give each part of the story its own chapter…BUT I would never leave my readers hanging! So I am going to fast forward a bit. Riley, Dan, and I traveled to North Carolina on January 2 to await the birth of our little man. Mikey was born on January 15, 2020 at 5:45 p.m. in North Carolina–11 days late (another post altogether)! He was 21.5 inches and 8 lbs 4 ounces. I was able to be in the room for the delivery and cut the cord. Mikey and I were given our own room and were skin to skin within minutes. It truly was love at first sight and I cried tears of joy the moment I held him in my arms. Riley and Uncle Dan were there with us a few hours later. One of the most amazing moments happened when they arrived. Mikey had been asleep on me for almost 2 hours and had not opened his eyes much at all before they got there. The minute Riley walked over to the bassinet and talked, Mikey’s eyes opened up wide. They stared at each other in a way that I can’t express in words. Both Dan and I could see they knew they were brothers. Their connection was instant and magical.

We lived in North Carolina for a week after his birth and then we all traveled home to meet Gaga and Papa. Again, more details to follow in later posts. We are home and adjusting to our new life together. Riley is an AMAZING big brother and my parents and brother have been simply INCREDIBLE once again. I am going to take the rest of the school year off to be home with my two boys and am overcome with feelings of gratitude and thanks. I would like to end for now, by sharing a few pictures–but I assure you there are many more on the way along with more details about our journey together! DREAMS DO COME TRUE!!!!

Category: siblings

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