bi-racial family - Worth my Wait

March 1, 2020

“Mikey” our unexpected MIRACLE

It has definitely been a while since my last post. TRUST me when I tell you that I have been waiting and waiting for the day that I could come on and SHARE our AMAZING news. But of course, the teacher in me wants to tell the story from the beginning…So… here it goes!

It was a Thursday afternoon in June 2019. I was sitting in my first grade classroom with my first grade team and the Kindergarten team. We were making plans for the 2020-2021 school year as the current year was coming to an end (waaaaaay later then everyone else I might add). My phone buzzed and when I looked down, I saw I was receiving a facebook message from Riley’s birth mom. I had sent her a picture from his second birthday a week or two before and figured she was replying to that message. As soon as I read her message, “What was the name of the adoption agency we used for Riley?”, I got butterflies in my stomach……I did not even need to ask the next question because I already knew the answer… but I wrote back anyway, “Why, are you pregnant?” She answered quickly that she was seven weeks pregnant and had decided not to keep the baby. She told me her and the birth father (the same biological father as Riley) would love nothing more then for me to adopt this baby as well. I suppose I felt much like a woman feels when she finds out she is pregnant and it was totally unplanned.

People had asked me many times if I thought Riley’s birth mom would ever get pregnant again and I honestly did not think so. I had given away most all of Riley’s newborn things, and thanked the universe daily for making my dream of becoming a mom come true. Riley is everything I ever dreamed of and so much more. He has brought more joy into my heart and soul and to our family then I could ever express in words. The funny thing is that after he turned a year old, I had started to feel a little sad that Riley did not have a sibling to grow up with. My twin brother, Dan, is my best friend and I can’t imagine life without him. I had recently been thinking about maybe looking into fostering to adopt. But there was a lot to consider when making that decision…. as a single mom, I needed to make sure that I had the finances to support two children. I also know that the foster to adopt journey can be very emotional and that children may come and go from our house. I had to consider how this would affect my sweet Riley. I also knew that it would be a lot for my family. I have been so blessed to have the unending support of my brother (who lives with us) and my mom and dad (who take care of Riley every day when I am at work). I could never ask or expect them to do the same for two children. Needless to say, I had not made any decisions as of that afternoon in June.

I read it again, “Yes, I am 7 weeks pregnant and due January 4″. You are our first choice to be the mother”. IN flowed the emotions… excitement, fear, surprise, worry, happiness, joy, nervousness…. I could go on and on… and I am not one to hide my emotions so everyone in the room quickly heard the news. Although I was flooded with feelings and emotion–I was positive in that moment the little angel growing inside her belly was meant to be with us. My subconscious (and my heart) took over as my fingers frantically typed YES YES YES! I was going to be a mom of two and RILEY WAS GOING TO BE A BIG BROTHER!!!!

This was much different then two years ago when I got the news about Riley. I did not get the call until May 9 and he was born on May 26, 2016. I had only a few weeks to prepare and everything happened very fast. She was only 7 weeks pregnant at this point…. and January felt so far away. So much could happen between now and then and I knew it was going to be an emotional journey. Even though I did not know what the future would bring, there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be that baby’s momma and I would do whatever it took to keep these two siblings together.

I wanted to be able to tell my family in person, so I waited until I got home that day to share the news. They were all a little (OK COMPLETELY) shocked and unsure how to react at first. All of their feelings stemmed from their love of both Riley and I. They wanted to make sure that I was not taking on more then I could handle, physically, emotionally, or financially. I also wanted them to know that I would never expect them to support 2 children and I the way they had for the last 2 and a half years. They have truly given their lives to us for which I am forever thankful. I know they were nervous, scared, and anxious, but they told me they would always be here to support me.

Since she was only 7 weeks pregnant, I was nervous to share the news with too many people. I wanted to wait until she was at least through her first trimester. Once again, I felt like a pregnant women must feel when she learns the exciting news and then has to wait to make sure everything is ok to share. It sounds silly, but I really felt like I was getting the true feeling mentally and emotionally of motherhood this time around. I must also say here, that although I will never be able to fully understand how it feels physically (or emotionally or mentally for that matter) to carry a baby for nine months, but I am forever thankful to the birth mom (and all birth moms) for their strength. Week 12 arrived and I could not keep the news to myself any longer. I would of course not post anything on social media until after the birth (or very close to it as it turned out), but I began to share with my circle of friends and family. Although the overwhelming response was happiness and excitement, I would be lying if I said that I did not receive any skepticism or questions. Most of this skepticism was around being a single mom of 2 children both under the age of 3. Some of the most common concerns and questions I heard were: “How will you afford 2?”, “Do you know how much work it is to have 2 children on your own?” “How will you afford day care?” I listened to each question and responded each time in a similar way… “I can’t tell you exactly how I will make it all work, but I can tell you I will”. There was never one doubt in my mind that this baby was coming home to live with us, and I was ready to do whatever I had to for my family.

The blessing of having so much time until the birth was being able to make plans. From the most basic plans of traveling to North Carolina (which is a lot of logistics by itself), to the more complex financial and career plans. Like I said earlier, the last two and a half years have been amazing–and I can’t imagine how I would have done it without my parents and my brother. However, I would never expect my parents to watch two children full time. I was also very sensitive to the fact that my brother is a morning news director and gets up every morning at 1:30 a.m. He has lost MANY hours of sleep over the last 2.5 years (and never complained once) and given ENDLESS support to both Riley and I. I told him right away that I understood if he felt like two little humans was too much and didn’t want to live together anymore. And so my research began… I priced different preschools for Riley, possible day care for new baby, a part-time nanny, or even a live in au pair (if my brother moved out). I calculated my current monthly expenses and then added on what I thought the extra expenses would be with the new little one. With my teaching salary, my Rodan + Fields business, and my new business in the financial industry (another stay at home business–more on that later), I was confident I could afford it on my own. We would live simply, but both of my children would live in a warm house, with warm clothes, food on the table, and more love then I could ever measure for the rest of their lives.

One of the things that I asked of the birth mom was to find out the gender of the baby. I had a lot of things left from when Riley was a baby and since I had so much time to prepare, I loved the idea of being able to get everything all set! It may sound silly, but since I could not carry the baby myself and was all the way across the country, it also made me feel a little more connected if I knew the gender. Birth mom said she was completely ok with that and gave me the date of her first ultrasound. I marked it in my calendar and counted down the days! She had a 9:00 am appointment on September 4….Since she is in North Carolina, this meant it would be 6:00 am in California. I waited and waited and waited for my phone to go off. Before I knew it, it was lunchtime at school and still no word. I finally heard from her later that day (she had forgotten her phone at home) and told me that they were not able to see the gender and she had to go back in a month. EEEEK! So I marked my calendar again and waited. To be totally honest, something inside of me really thought it was going to be a girl (as did many of my friends and family). There was another part of me that wondered if the next ultrasound would even be able to show the gender. 30 days felt like 100 and I continued to remain in a place of gratitude and thanks. That October morning came and I of course started checking my phone right at 6 am. I even texted birth mom at 5:30 am “Happy Gender Reveal Day!!! Can’t wait to hear”! I was on Fall Break and at a library with Riley and my parents for story time when I felt my phone buzz. “They were able to see the gender–are you ready LOL”…. I frantically typed back–“YES YES YES!!!” She replied, “You are officially a boy mom”! My heart exploded and I looked up at my parents and whispered “It’s a boy”! Riley was going to be a big brother AND to a baby boy!!! My brother was at work and was the next person I messaged. I will never forget his reply—I could feel his excitement coming through even on text (as silly as that sounds) and he even admitted feeling a little choked up. Although I had always envisioned having at least one daughter (and who knows what the future holds) I was over the moon with the blessing of raising two little boys.

I had already began to make a list of names even before I knew the gender. But honestly, I really only had one boy name that I was positive about. It was very important to me that Riley have my dad’s name, Patrick, as his middle name. My dad is an amazing man and it is important to me his name live on in Riley. Another very amazing man in our lives was my grandfather Joseph, or as we called him Papa Joe. He passed away almost 2 years ago and left us all a little bit of an inheritance. My parents handed me the check a few days after I found out about the second baby and I knew in that moment that my grandfather was supporting me through this process. “Joseph” is also my brother Dan’s middle name and it just seemed like a perfect fit. I have always loved the name “Mikey”. And so I had it, Michael Joseph Twomey, and we would call him Mikey He was my miracle… My MIKEY MIRACLE!

There is lots more to this story and the author in me wants to give each part of the story its own chapter…BUT I would never leave my readers hanging! So I am going to fast forward a bit. Riley, Dan, and I traveled to North Carolina on January 2 to await the birth of our little man. Mikey was born on January 15, 2020 at 5:45 p.m. in North Carolina–11 days late (another post altogether)! He was 21.5 inches and 8 lbs 4 ounces. I was able to be in the room for the delivery and cut the cord. Mikey and I were given our own room and were skin to skin within minutes. It truly was love at first sight and I cried tears of joy the moment I held him in my arms. Riley and Uncle Dan were there with us a few hours later. One of the most amazing moments happened when they arrived. Mikey had been asleep on me for almost 2 hours and had not opened his eyes much at all before they got there. The minute Riley walked over to the bassinet and talked, Mikey’s eyes opened up wide. They stared at each other in a way that I can’t express in words. Both Dan and I could see they knew they were brothers. Their connection was instant and magical.

We lived in North Carolina for a week after his birth and then we all traveled home to meet Gaga and Papa. Again, more details to follow in later posts. We are home and adjusting to our new life together. Riley is an AMAZING big brother and my parents and brother have been simply INCREDIBLE once again. I am going to take the rest of the school year off to be home with my two boys and am overcome with feelings of gratitude and thanks. I would like to end for now, by sharing a few pictures–but I assure you there are many more on the way along with more details about our journey together! DREAMS DO COME TRUE!!!!

October 19, 2019

Fall Break with my boy

I am sitting here watching my little man fast asleep during nap time… and just finished my daily meditation focused on appreciation. I found myself reflecting and journaling a lot about the last 2 weeks I have been able to spend with Riley. My school district is on a modified year round schedule and we have a two week break in October. Although I do not like a shorter summer, I am so thankful for this bonus time with my boy in October.

I could not write this post without first mentioning the amazing and unending support and love of my family. Riley is so very lucky (as am I) to have his Gaga and Papa watch him every day when I am at work full time. Even when I am on break, they are still there to help and for that I am so appreciative. Riley went to their house every morning for breakfast–and not just any old breakfast–home made GOODNESS–ranging from french toast, to scrambled eggs and cheese, even a breakfast quesadilla one day! He loves his Papa Toast (toast with cheese and butter–but Gaga has to eat off all the crust) and gets very excited to be with them every morning. Mama gets to go to the gym, listen to my latest audio book (Super Attractor) and get in some work for my at home businesses. I am blessed to have my skincare business and was able to do some in person skin consultations as well as some coaching and mentoring of team members. I also just started a new endeavor working with families to build financial literacy and is has been so rewarding. I was able to sit down with some people and help them set up their finances for the rest of their lives…. something I never imagined I would be doing but truly love it! A few hours of work and my Riley was back to momma by 11ish! We ate our lunch together and played until nap time. Mama spent most nap times checking back in on the business or other BORING ADULT activities waiting for my partner in crime to wake up!!! I mentioned in my last post about how his little mind is developing faster then I can keep up with. He is just about two and a half and very verbal. He has quite a little mind of his own and a big personality. It is a BLAST to hang out with him!

Ever since the Halloween decorations were out in stores (which I must remind you was in August in some places), Riley has been celebrating. We made daily visits to the “pop up boo store” as he calls the Halloween store, as well as Colma and Westlake Home Depot–and yes, he does actually say “Colma” or “Westlake” when he asks to visit one. We often visit these stores in costume. Even though Riley is 100% positive that him, Guncle, and I will all be dressed up as Hulkie (we have matching hooded sweatshirts) on Halloween, we have somehow managed to accumulate Buzz Lightyear, Captain America, Black Panther, Darth Vader, and Owl-ette (PJ Masks character) costumes as well as other various ears, wings, and masks on any given day. HE ABSOLUTELY LOVES Halloween and everything about it. He loves nothing more then to put on his costume and pretend to be whatever the character of the day (or hour) is. We are definitely getting our use out of each and every one and he looks ADORABLE in every one!

We spent a large part of the last two weeks just walking around the neighborhood looking at all the “boos”. We live in a wonderful neighborhood where Riley is very well known… and he is often handed a little piece of candy along our walk–and always given a high five or a big smile! We have become so close with a few of our neighbors he even calls them Auntie or Uncle and they invite us in whenever they see us. The other night we got home, and our neighbor across the street (who adores Riley) saw us pull up. He had just finished decorating the whole front lawn with blow up Halloween figures and other seasonal fun. Of course, Riley raced over there the minute we got out of the car and was running straight for the lawn. The neighbors around here take GREAT PRIDE in their front lawns and I cringe every time he tries to walk on them. My neighbor, quickly looked at me and said, “It’s fine, let him play–he loves it” as Riley not only ran across his lawn, but proceeded to embrace the giant skeleton in a hug! And it did not stop there. My neighbor sent him home with Halloween things to hang on our bushes, plastic pumpkins for trick or treating, and a wooden Happy Halloween sign to put in his room. This same neighbor gave him his very own tomato plant right off his front porch a few weeks ago because he thought it would be so fun for him. This morning we were outside riding his bike (yes, he is almost doing it by himself–eeek) and he saw another neighbor working on his car. He is very curious and loves to look through a tool chest or bag. I went to stop him and my neighbor stopped me and said, “Riley want to help me with my car? You can get a screwdriver”. The smile that emerged on his little face as he emptied out the whole tool bad said it all! He was absolutely thrilled and had a blast! I could go on forever with stories about the wonderful people we are surrounded by. Riley and I feel so very safe and loved and could not be more appreciative to live on our street.

And it would not be a vacation without a few fun adventures! We visited Lemos Farm in Half Moon Bay with Guncle and Auntie Nicole! This was our first visit to a true “pumpkin farm” setting. Riley hated the car and was a rough traveler for the first year or so, and I was always too nervous to try the Half Moon Bay trip. HE LOVED EVERY SECOND! He got to ride a pony for the first time (which made momma, auntie more nervous then him), feed the goats, tromp around in pumpkins, walk through the haunted house with Guncle, eat popcorn and a hulkie cookie, and ended his trip with a “Happy Mimi” (Happy Meal) from McDonald’s. Ironically, we did not come home with an actual pumpkin-but we did however get a DELICIOUS loaf of pumpkin bread.

This last week, we visited Guncle at work! He works at KRON 4 and this was Riley’s 3rd trip to see him. He was OVER THE MOON excited and had a blast running all over the set, sliding on the curved wall, and even got to sit at the anchor desk with James Fletcher! The people at KRON are always so patient and friendly as my busy and curious little man races around touching everything. It is a good thing we visit when the newscast is over!!!!

One of my favorite parts of being on break is catching up with friends who I do not get to see very often with busy schedules. We spent time with my best friend and her two kids (who Riley adores) at the park as well as some other very special people in my life. I have been teaching for 15 years, and am happy to say that I am still in touch with so many of the families. Just over the last 2 weeks, I have seen 4 of the families whose children I taught at some point. 3 of the girls are now in college–and have grown into amazing women. It brings my heart such joy to see them shower my Riley with love. I have said many times that my students have always been like children to me, so to see them interact with him is something I can’t put into words. One of these sweet girls will be watching Riley 2 days a week in November. My father has to have a surgery (he is ok) and my parents will not be able to watch him for a month as my dad recovers. I was so anxious because I have never had anyone but family watch Riley and reached out to Hannah and her family. They literally replied within minutes and said they were here to help in any way they could! I am again at a loss for words on how to express my appreciation and gratitude.

So now as I sit here on Saturday afternoon—and my Fall break is coming to an end, I could choose to feel angry and disappointed that I have to go back to work. However, that would serve no purpose. I spent a lot of time over this break focusing on personal development as well, and choose happiness and joy always. I feel so lucky to have had these two weeks with my sweet boy–who has truly grown into a little boy–and now so appreciative to go back to a job I love with colleagues who I love and appreciate. I get to drive to work each day knowing that Riley is in the best hands possible and being showered with love and laughter while I am away. So yes, Monday morning will be a little hard—but I will go to bed Sunday night with a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart.

October 11, 2019

My boy is growing

Yes, you probably guessed it! I am on Fall Break. I was looking back at the last post and it was on summer break. Once I get into my full time teacher mode, most of the writing I do is lesson plans, curriculum and professional development… although I did just start my very own newsletter and feel very excited about that. I have also taken up meditation and daily journaling. Needless to say, I love to write and wanted to share some updates on Riley and momma’s journey through life.

We are definitely 2!!!! I often hear a lot of negative connotations associated with this age- “the terrible 2’s” being the most frequent. I would be lying if I told you that some new challenging behaviors have not arisen–or moments when I needed to count to ten (or twenty or sometimes even higher)!!! But I am truly loving every minute of this stage of his life and continue to be in awe of how much his little brain is developing.

The “teacher” in me is always observing, watching, and trying to learn more. I did not let him watch any television until he was two years old. We spent our time playing, reading, and singing. I can say that “Eat, Play, Sing (and Read) does change everything! He is very verbal and already communicating in 3-4 word sentences. He knows all the superheroes, Toy Story, Sesame Street, Paw Patrol, and PJ Masks (a new one for me) characters without ever having watched any of them on TV. It has been so incredible to watch him go from looking at the pictures in the book, to pointing to the pictures, to naming the characters as he points, and now he is pretending to be the characters himself. I can sit and just watch him for hours (although let’s be honest-his attention span is about 5-6 minutes if I am lucky on any one activity). There are songs that we have been singing to him every day since he was a baby–and now he will sing a long or lay in his crib and sing to himself when he wakes up. There is NOTHING BETTER then driving in the car and hearing “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star….” being sung in the back seat… or being serenaded during bath time with “Head Shoulders, Knees and Toes”. My mom has even taught him her old Balboa High school cheer and he LOVES to tease Guncle with it whenever possible. I could go on and on with example after example of the ways this little man brings a smile to my face every day and fills my heart with joy.

I have been very honest from the beginning that Riley has quite a temperament and that is still true. It is genetic and not something that will change. As he has moved into this “toddler” phase of life–his temperament has also began to show itself in different ways. When he is happy he IS BLISSFULLY happy and can laugh and be silly and emulate joy. When he is angry–that pendulum swings the opposite direction and he can do a complete 360 in an instant. The mom and teacher in me wanted to really find the best way to support him through all of this. I spent my entire summer studying the brain and in particular the brain of a child. I highly recommend the book “No Drama Discipline” https://www.amazon.com/No-Drama-Discipline-Whole-Brain-Nurture-Developing/dp/034554806X or the “The Whole Brain Child”, both written by Daniel Siegel. I have learned so much about why behaviors and reactions look the way they do, and many times–it is all about his developing brain. When I first started reading the book, I laughed when I read that you should look forward to meltdowns–they are a time to learn more about your child, develop a stronger emotional connection, and begin to teach his developing brain how to handle different situations. Never in a million years did I think that a tantrum would HELP in any way!!!! But I am here to tell you–it has been an incredible way to learn more about my sweet boy and we have made huge strides in his behavior and overall response to different situations. Now all I want to do is go out and help other families implement these same strategies! I am using them in my classroom with my first graders and also seeing huge growth.

It is all about connecting before correcting and understanding that sometimes the part of the brain the child needs to handle a given situation or make a choice has not fully developed. There are great examples of things you can do to help them develop those skills even from as young as two years old. A few examples… Riley went through a phase where he was “hulk smashing” people in the face. My immediate reaction would initially have been to yell “No” and “Don’t hit people”. After reading the book, the first time he hit someone again with the Hulk-I had a different reaction. My brother and him were playing and Riley hit Dan with Hulk and said “HULK SMASH”… He laughed and did it again. I heard Dan say “OW” very loudly and came out. Instead of yelling from across the room and telling Riley to stop… I walked over, sat down next to him and said, “I heard Guncle say ow… it looks like he feels sad.” Riley smiled at first and kind of laughed and raised Hulk up to do it again. I blocked Hulk and said again, “Oh it really looks like Guncle feels sad when you hit him, don’t you think?” Riley did not say much, but I could see on his face that he was beginning to understand a bit. It took a few more times and he has for the most part stopped hitting with Hulk. He is developing a sense of empathy even from this very young age, and his brain is growing and developing the skills it needs to make the right choice. Another example–more specifically around a tantrum situation. The word “no” can be very triggering for children and I read a lot in the book about how to connect and redirect before you try to do anything else. One morning, Riley really wanted to have “hulky pretzel” (which is a key lime flavored colored pretzel in non super hero words) for breakfast. He began to scream and cry when I told him that we were not going to have that for breakfast and that he could choose pancakes or a Mickey Waffle or eggs (all amazing choices in my opinion). He continued to insist “I want hulky pretzel now” and was getting more and more upset. Before reading the book, I may have just said, Well you can’t have that now and just ignored the tantrum. What I learned was that he is so upset in the moment, and is reacting from the lower “fight or flight” part of his brain and the right emotional side. The left side of his brain (and more logical one) is not developed enough to truly understand much more then he was just told no and isn’t happy. So again, I got down to his level took him on my lap, and said, “Oh big boy, you feel so sad ha?” He said, “YES I want hulky pretzel now momma”. I continued to hug him and said “I know you are so sad and momma loves you. I don’t want you to feel sad. We are going to have something very special for breakfast and save your hulky preztel in a special place for after lunch! Do you want to help me hide it”? First, I connected and made him feel loved and supported when he was feeling upset… Then, redirected with a game of hiding the hulky pretzel and letting him “help” with making breakfast. Once we had hidden the pretzel and he was eating breakfast (and was much calmer with level blood sugar) I asked him again…. “Silly goose, do we eat Hulky Pretzels for breakfast”? He made a silly face and said “yes momma” at first and then hid his face… But then looked at me and said “No momma, Hulky after lunch”. This boy doesn’t miss a beat and remembered exactly when he got to eat that pretzel!

I share these stories just to show that this parenting stuff is not always easy–but it is an amazing journey. I continue to learn so much from this little boy on a daily basis, not only about him, but about myself and am truly just so thankful!

It sounds cliche, but I waited my whole life to be a mom and now I am living that dream and trying to soak up every minute. I am so thankful to my brother and my parents for jumping on board with me as I navigate through these new strategies, and truly feel so proud of the kind little boy Riley is growing up to be!

July 15, 2019

Our First Family Vacation

I am still on a high from three of the best days of my life and it has EVERYTHING to do with the 4 humans you see in these pictures with me! I tried to capture the highlights of the trip in this slideshow, but it was so hard not to choose them all! We went on our first family vacation. It was actually our second but the first one was only a one night stay in Hollister so I am calling that more of a sleep over. We went to Twain Harte and it was a dream come true for so many reasons.

First and foremost, as you can see in that cover photo, we visited Columbia and took a family portrait Western style. The reason this was so special was because when I was a kid, my grandfather had a house in Columbia (about 20 miles from Twain Harte) and we spent at least 2 weeks there every summer. My family had taken a picture just like this one when my brother and I were even younger then Riley and I was thrilled to be able to do it again with him. We also took him to through the little gold mining town and bought matching cowboy hats! He is currently enthralled with Toy Story and all the characters… He was very excited to meet a real life cowboy and say “Howdy” like Woody. We found a few cowboy playing a guitar in the middle of town, and Riley was content to just sit and watch him all morning. He danced a long to the music and continued to say “Howdy” to the man (the man was so patient and kind–he played right a long and would answer back with Howdy every time). We even visited our favorite ice cream store that has not changed one bit in 40 years! When we were kids, we begged to walk down there every day and get a home made waffle cone with ice cream. So I could not wait to take him there to have an ice cream—he of course chose “Hulkie purple” (because Hulk’s pants are purple) and ate every bite. We left Columbia as it started to get hot and he fell fast asleep talking about cowboys and ice cream.

I also faced a HUGE fear of mine of mine taking this trip. When I decided to become a single mom, I honestly did not think I would ever travel again for a few reasons… First, I did not think I would be able to afford it. Living in the Bay Area and living on a single teacher income is tight already–I feared that with a child my greatest adventures may be to the grocery store or Target!!!! However, thanks to my Rodan + Fields business, I had the extra money to get away for a few days with my family. We are very simple travelers… and if I am being honest–the quiet country in a cabin is my gig! I don’t need to jump on an airplane and travel to a far away destination (although don’t get me wrong I do hope to some day) or stay in a fancy hotel with all the amenities to feel like I am on vacation. It probably came from the way I was raised, but growing up we spent most summers camping or at the cabins of our friends and family–swimming in lakes and pools, and eating ice cream cones together! To be able to begin this tradition with my sweet Riley is something I dreamed about. In fact, I am still best friends with all of my childhood friends we vacationed with and we are already planning a trip together next summer!

The BIGGEST concern and HORRIBLE fear I faced on this trip was the monster living in…MY OWN HEAD!!! I have mentioned many times what a challenge Riley had as an infant. He had a lot of tummy issues, didn’t sleep well, and had a rather intense temperament. He did not like the stroller, the car seat, or any kind of pouch on my body. There were times when I had to play loud white noise in the stroller to get through Safeway without him screaming. I read every book, blog, or website, I could find on how to soothe and calm your baby–and there were days when I truly felt helpless. Needless to say–I was dedicated to helping this sweet boy sleep–would do just about anything to accomplish it. We did create a wonderful and consistent routine, and he developed amazing sleeping habits. He now takes a solid 1.5-2 hour nap every day and sleeps 11-12 hours every night. However, I come home for every nap, he has never slept anywhere but here, and his room is has black out shades and white noise. So if you haven’t figured it out yet—huge scary monster that was living in my head told me that I could not go on any vacations. I honestly thought he would never sleep anywhere but here. I tiptoed towards the monster in April. We visited Hollister for my dad’s birthday and Riley fell asleep on the way there. I was so excited he napped in the car, but still worried about bedtime. We had brought the sound machine and his cozies (that is what we call his sleep sack) and of course Sophie (his stuffed giraffe with a binkie attached) to recreate the environment as best we could. I gave him a bath in the hotel tub, warmed up his milk, and sat and sang him our songs. Once he was asleep, I laid him in the pack and play and he slept for 12 hours!!!!! He slept again on the way home the next day and the trip was a perfect success! That is when I was ready to out on my big girl boots and take big steps towards the SCARY MONSTER!!!! We purposely planned to leave around nap time. It takes about 2.5 hours to get there, so I figured even if he fell asleep for part of the ride, it would be ok. He ended up sleeping almost the whole way there and was BLISSFULLY happy when he woke up! . I won’t bore you with every detail–but he slept 11 hours every night and took a 2 hour nap every day we were there. All this to say–Momma conquered her fear of the TRAVEL SLEEP MONSTER (as I will call it) and Riley was a CHAMP!

The smile that was on his face when he woke up in the parking lot of the grocery store was pretty much plastered on his face for the next three days. He absolutely adores his Gaga, Papa, and Uncle Dan-and nothing made him happier then to have all of them sleeping in the same house with him! As soon as we got to the cabin, he ran to the deck and laid out on a lounge chair with the “boys”. We got unpacked, had dinner, and hung out on the deck. It was the best!!! The next morning Riley popped up in his crib and could not wait to go find everyone. I don’t think I have ever seen my dad happier to be woken up at 6:30 in the morning with a big kiss from Riley!!! “Papa Wake UP” were his exact words and he was just as THRILLED as my dad! We visited Columbia in the morning and spent the rest of the day at the house so Riley could nap. We spent most of the evening on the the deck–Riley rode his bike, played with a big bucket of water, and had a blast! My dad made my favorite BBQ chicken and we ate altogether outside! It felt just like when I was a kid–but even better because I was getting to live it through the eyes of my own son. And he could not have been happier! My parents went home the next morning, so my brother and I walked down to Twain Harte lake with him. Again, something we always did as kids, and I was very excited to do it with Riley. I am not exaggerating when I say that the minute his feet hit the sand, he raced off for the water and LOVED every minute! Uncle Dan is much more fond (and tolerant of freezing cold) of the water then momma–so I was able to really take in the pure joy and excitement of Riley going in the water for the first time. The relationship between Riley and my brother is hard to describe in words….and watching them play in that lake together was one of my favorite parts of the whole week. We ate lunch at the “snack shack” just like when we were kids, and Riley did not want to leave!!! We got him home so he could take a power nap… and then took him into town to meet the firefighters. Once again, the smile on his face said it all. He was so excited to not only meet the firemen, but they even let him climb into the truck. I mean what is better than sitting in a firetruck with your cowboy hat on right???!! This boy was on cloud 9! The three of us had a pretty relaxed evening of Sesame Street and leftovers and headed home the next morning.

I remember as a kid, driving home was always my least favorite part of the trip. As we got on 280 and I saw the fog overhead, I knew vacation was over and it meant we were heading back to school. As we drove home on Saturday—I was still a little bummed to leave the peaceful surroundings of Twain Harte–and have our vacation come to an end… But I also felt like it was a brand new beginning in so many ways! We had started (or continued depending on how I think about) a new very special tradition and created some incredible memories. I mentioned it before, but it was hard to choose only a few pictures from the trip. Every time I look back at them, I feel like I am right back there—and Riley is still talking about it! DREAMS COME TRUE!!!!

June 25, 2019

No Momma Work (or wurt as Ri Ri calls it)!

School’s out for summer! I have not been on here in awhile and that is mostly because it was quite a year in Ms. Twomey’s first grade class! I was spending my days with my school munchkins, and my evenings loving up my sweet boy for every second possible before bedtime. After bedtime, I was checking in with my Rodan + Fields team and customers… doing my nightly meditations and affirmations… and then fast asleep to be up for my 4:15 workout. Needless to say, something had to give, and it was my blog. However, that is not how I want it to be, and am going to commit to being more consistent in the fall when school is back in session… But for now–

SUMMER HAS BEGUN!!!! Almost every day of the school year, Riley says “No Momma Wurt” (that is how he pronounces work) when I am getting ready to leave. On Saturday and Sunday morning, he is always so excited because he knows that it is not a momma work day. We cheer and yell NO MOMMA WORK!!! So we were both very excited last Friday when I got home and I was officially off for the next 7ish weeks. My school calendar follows a modified year round schedule, so we have a shorter summer and multiple breaks during the year.

I feel like I have a lot to updates to give since my last post in January! A lot has happened in the last 5 months! First and foremost, my sweet Riley has grown into a little BOY! He turned 2 in May and time is going way to fast!!!! It honestly feels not that long ago that I was terrified to put this tiny little baby in the carseat (mostly because he hated it and screamed his head off)…. and now he climbs into his front facing seat all by himself and can fasten his own belt. I remember being up with him every 1-2 hours for months and months, and wondering if he would ever sleep through the night… and now I lay him down by 7:30 and he has been sleeping soundly until 6:30 or 7 the next morning. I remember how sensitive his tummy was—I tried formula after formula and all different bottle brands… and the poor guy had so much trouble. I was so worried he was not getting enough food in him and that it would affect his growth. And now, he will eat ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING and towers over kids his age! His coos turned into babbles, his babbles into words, his words into phrases, and now he is talking in almost complete sentences–minus a few prepositions (once a teacher always a teacher)!!! I know I am bias, but I am pretty sure he is a baby genius! Hee hee hee, no but really it is just so amazing to watch his little mind grow and develop every single day. It sounds cliche, but his brain is like a little (or big) sponge and soaks up every ounce of information he sees and hears. It is a BLAST!

Every month for the first year, I would fill out the chalkboard and list all of highlights and milestones… number of teeth, height & weight, likes and dislikes, and favorite things. Fast forward to 2 years old… He has all his teeth and LOVES to eat!!! He is very lucky to have no allergies or food restrictions and he will try anything (unlike his picky momma). That makes taking him places super easy and a lot of fun. He also has developed a love of superheroes… Now that I think about it this should really come as no surprise–Guncle (Uncle Dan) bought him a batman onesie before he was even born and it was the first one he wore when I brought him home to California. Superhero Fridays began when he was 3 months old… Ironically, it was the Hulk onesie that got it all started. Every Friday, we dressed Riley in a different superhero onesie and took a picture. Hulk is hands down his very favorite superhero–so much so that he no longer calls the color green by its name. Anytime he sees anything green.. he says “hulk”…. There is a “hulk” car parked in front of the Ford Dealership in Daly City that my parents drive by for him to see all the time! We eat “hulk” melon (honeydew), “hulk” m&m’s, & “hulk” grapes, drink out of a “hulk” water bottle, and even “hulk” colored tablets for the bath! I joke with my family that when he goes to take a Kindergarten assessment and they ask him his colors, he will say HULK instead of green!!!

He has learned the names of all the other superheroes as well and this includes both Marvel and DC! In fact, his second birthday was Superhero themed and every guest got to wear a cape! He was very excited to watch his first episode of Sesame Street when he turned two and now LOVES to sit on the bean bag chair and watch Elmo in the evening. He can name all of the Sesame Street characters as well–and yes, Oscar the grouch is often called the “hulkie” one! Other loves of Riley include Target (he would go there everyday if he could), Pops from Starbucks, playing outside, and water! During my spring break, we took our first trip away since he was born. We spent a night in Hollister to celebrate my dad’s birthday and Riley went swimming for the first time. HE LOVED IT! We are going to start swimming lessons soon!!! I could go on about all the things my sweet boy loves… but if I was to capture it in one sentence, I would say, Riley LOVES LIFE! He brings joy and laughter to every day and teaches me everyday to live and enjoy every moment. I cannot imagine life without him and have said it before, but he is MY DREAM COME TRUE!

January 20, 2019January 20, 2019

My Purpose

I have been thinking about this post all week and am finally getting a chance to sit down and put it into words. This was a very emotional week at work for many reasons and there are a few different stories to share…

But first I want to back up and give a little background. I teach in a Title 1 school, where many of our students are from lower income or even homeless families. We also have a lot of students with extreme social emotional needs. I have been teaching for 15 years and came to this school 3 years ago. I have mentioned many times before how I always dreamed of being both a teacher and a mom. Even before I ever had a child of my own, I always loved the students in my class as if they were my own and am still connected to many of their families years later (in fact, my very first class is graduating from college this year). Over the course of 15 years, I have had many students sit in my classroom who I truly did not want to send home–for many different reasons—but the primary one being I knew they were not getting the love and care they needed and deserved. I would have taken any one of them home in a heartbeat and showered them with love. When I got hired to teach first grade at my current school 3 years ago, I was both excited and nervous. I had always wanted to teach in a population like this one, and was finally getting my chance. However, I also did not know what to expect and wanted to do the best job I could to support my students. I spent that summer preparing my classroom, making class lists, and prepping my first grade curriculum just like I have always done. I began my first day of school confident and ready for my new class! I learned very quickly that this would be a completely new teaching experience and in many ways I felt like a brand new teacher all over again. Part of the reason I love being a teacher is because each year is a new challenge and in that way this was no different. What was very different, were the types of challenges I was now facing. The stories of many of our students are sad ones. They have seen, heard, and felt things that no one, let alone a child, should ever have to deal with. Some of them are not having their basic needs met, and many of them come to school seeking love and attention. THIS is the reason I became a teacher! I HAD FOUND MY PLACE! This is where I was meant to be! I knew it the very first day. My heart was open and ready to let in all these sweet faces. It was by far the hardest year of my teaching career and I drove home in tears on more than one occasion.

Little did I know that in May of that same year, I would get the call that I had been chosen by a birth family. In many ways, two dreams came true in the same year. I was teaching in a population I had always wanted to be in, and now I was going to be a mom. The most interesting thing of all (and not a coincidence as I look back now) is that teaching in this school for those 9 months before I got the call, made me more sure than ever before that adoption was my journey. My feeling of being “school mom” to my students was on a whole new level, and I found myself trying to do everything I could to support my students not only academically, but physically, emotionally, and mentally as well. It became clear to me a child did not need to grow inside of me to feel the unconditional love of a mother. As I have said before, May 26 2017, the day I held my sweet boy for the first time was the happiest day of my life. I truly believe we were meant to be together and he was growing in my heart my whole life.

Here I am in my third year at the school, still in first grade. My sweet Riley is going to be 19 months old at the end of the month, and I have been finding the balance between work and home life. It has been a huge adjustment and many times not an easy one. I am no longer the teacher who is first to arrive, the last to leave, and then at home working until bedtime (and often on weekends). My home time is all about my family and spending every minute I can with my Riley. However, there has also been a very special connection that my adoption story has brought to school that I never imagined.

This brings me to this past week. Since I teach first grade (and am honestly quite intimidated by the upper grades math curriculum) I do not get a chance to connect with the older students as much. Last year, I had the unique opportunity to be the teacher in charge when our administrator was off campus, and it was the first time that I really got to interact with the students in the older grades. The students that usually spent this most time with me were those with behavior issues (since I was the administrator in charge) being sent to the office by teachers or other staff members. The funny thing is–the students (often boys) who are the biggest behavior problems are the ones I always seem to make the biggest connections with! It was one of my favorite parts of being the teacher in charge. I got to know a lot of these boys and grew to love each one of them. A few of them have been spending a lot of time with me the last few weeks. They have been getting into a lot of trouble and are struggling a lot both in and out of the classroom (I do not want to say too much to keep it anonymous–but they are middle school boys–so you can probably get a general picture in your mind). They come to my room to work with my first graders (to build their self confidence and sense of responsibility) and they have been showing up at my door during their recess or lunch and asking if they can hang out with me. I always invite them over to the table and let them lead the conversation. I do a lot of listening and they do a lot of sharing. The funny part is I don’t even have to say much–they just know that I genuinely care about them and what they are saying. They talk about their problems at home, in the classroom, on the yard, and sometimes just want to joke around and ask me questions about me. The other day, one of them saw a picture of Riley on the wall behind me. He asked, “Ms. Twomey is that your son?” I said yes and the conversation eventually led to me telling them he was adopted. All 3 of them looked up at me with eyes wide open… “REALLY?! You adopted him.” This led to a lot of follow up questions… but a few of their questions really struck me. “Ms. Twomey, is adoption like when your aunt has to take care of you for awhile and then your mom comes back?” or “Ms. Twomey, why didn’t his mom want him?” One of the most heartbreaking moments was when one of the boys said “Ms. Twomey, my mom told me she didn’t want me”. These boys–labeled as the “trouble-makers and the behavior problems” are craving love. I could see right into their hearts as they went on to share a lot more information about their lives both past and present. It gave me the chance to have an organic conversation about love and how family can look very different from one to the next. Most importantly, it gave me the chance to begin the conversation with them about how worthy they are of love and how capable they are of living a successful life. I told them how many of us love them, believe in them, and are here to support them every step of the way.

I have spent much of my adult life trying to discover my purpose and in that moment it all became very clear. Children are my purpose–they are my passion and I my role as “mother” extends far and beyond my sweet boy. It is my dream come true to wake up every morning to that little face and the love I feel for him is like no other. What I did not expect was just how much more adopting him would bring to my life. I have been able to teach my students not only about adoption, but how different families can look from one house (or apartment, or condo, or room, or even car in some circumstances) to the next. Family is all about love and includes any and all adults who show and give you love. For some of our students, we are those adults–the ones who provide them the stability, love, and support they need and deserve. People ask me all the time if I will adopt another child and I am very open to it but at this point don’t know what the future holds. One thing I know for sure, is that I will continue to raise my sweet boy the best way I know how and shower him with every ounce of love I have in my heart. And I will continue to go to work each day and love each one of those students as my own. I will end with one of my favorite quotes… “Family is where life begins and love never ends”.

October 11, 2018October 14, 2018

I Have a Dream

When I began the adoption process, one of the first things I had to do was complete a home study. I met with a social worker for an interview that lasted almost 2 hours. She asked me a lot of questions about my childhood, my adult life, my beliefs and parenting philosophies. It was a lot of information to give to someone who I had just met. I remember the day we sat down to meet so clearly–in particular one part of the interview that left me confused, anxious, and unsure of myself. She was asking me about the profile of the child that I wanted to adopt–gender, race, medical needs, etc…. My response was something like, “My dream is to be a mom… I don’t care if its a boy or a girl, and has green skin with purple polka dots”! Of course, this is not the answer that would go into the home study, but I made it very clear that I honestly had no preference on gender or race. My only concern (due to financial need) was the health of the baby. I wanted to make sure that I could provide any care that was needed–so that would need to be in my profile. After I gave my answer, the woman looked up at me and asked if I was sure I was open to a baby that was not the same race as me (caucasian). I told her I was 100% positive. She went on to question me about how I would provide life experiences for my child that exposed him/her to their culture and did I have people in my life of different races for my child to be around. She truly made me feel like I was inadequate to raise a child who was “different” than me. Little did she know—until I very clearly explained it to her—I am surrounded by people in my life of all different races, religions, and cultures. As a teacher, I have been so blessed to work with students and families from so many different backgrounds and stories. It is one of my favorite parts of teaching, and one of the main reasons I changed schools a few years ago. I really wanted to work with a more diverse community–and have learned so much the last 3 years. I truly honor and appreciate differences and strive to help my students love and appreciate not only each other, but their unique selves. Even after my long winded answer, I still had a sense that she felt I should check the white/caucasian box on my profile. I actually did revise my profile for a brief amount of time after that interview and changed my preferences to be at least 50% caucasian. She made me so nervous and unsure. I wanted to be sure that I provided the very best environment for my sweet baby and she made me doubt that I could do that.

A few months after I completed my home study, I was feeling frustrated that I was not being viewed my more birth mothers. I scheduled a call with my case worker at the adoption agency to talk about how things were going. We had been on the phone for a few minutes and then she brought up my profile and preferences. She told me that the reason my profile was not being given out to more birth mothers, was because my preferences were limited. I got a pit in my stomach right away. I was nervous to share about what the social worker had said to me during my home study and that I felt forced into setting these limiting preferences. I took a deep breath and told her the story. When I was finished (and after a few tears) she told me she was so glad she had asked me about it. She said that she was always very confused by the preferences I had checked because it was so contradictory to the rest of my profile and life story. It was such a wonderful day when I was able to confidently tell her to check “open to all”!!! My sweet baby Riley was born on May 26. His birth mother is caucasian and his birth father is African American. He is absolutely beautiful inside and out.

My home study experience has been on my mind a lot this week. Anytime we are out and Riley sees a child with a baby doll, he always wants to hold and cuddle it. I was so excited to take him to Target the other day and get him a baby doll of his own. I had quite the collection of Cabbage Patch kids growing up and nothing makes me happier then to take one off the shelf for my own child! I put him in the cart and off we went to the doll aisle. As I browsed the shelf I realized that almost every doll on the shelf had white skin. It struck me in that moment that I had never paid much attention to skin color of the dolls on the shelf before. When I was a kid, all my cabbage patch kids, barbies, or dolls of any kind had white skin just like me. When I really think about it, most of the picture books I remember reading in school also had children who had the same color skin as me. I flashed back to the conversation I had with that social worker. We are lucky enough to live in a diverse community and also have a very diverse circle of friends. Riley gets to interact with people from all different races, backgrounds, and family make-ups. I have never once worried that I am cheating him out of life experiences or exposure to his own culture. And then as I was standing in that aisle in Target, I began to look at the shelves with a new lens…as the mom of a bi-racial little boy. And my heart felt a little sad… I began to ask myself: Where are all the brown dolls, the black dolls, and the dolls that reflect the diverse world we live in? As I thought about it even more, where were the dolls who were born with abnormalities or missing limbs?

As I have mentioned many times, I teach my students to love the uniqueness that makes them who they are and to appreciate our differences. When I changed school districts 3 years ago and began teaching at the school I am at now—I began to view education and the world with a new lens. I have been able to walk in the shoes of children and families who face a much different reality then me. With the recent events in the world of politics, it’s been very eye opening and sometimes very disheartening to see how far we still have to go to be truly “open to all”. I am blessed to have some wonderful friends and colleagues in my life who are always researching, learning, and trying to make a difference. We empower our students to feel proud of themselves and respect and love each other. And I will raise my sweet boy to believe the very same things. My hope and my dream is that he will grow up in a world where he is judged by the content of his character and never by the color of his skin.