My Purpose

I have been thinking about this post all week and am finally getting a chance to sit down and put it into words. This was a very emotional week at work for many reasons and there are a few different stories to share…

But first I want to back up and give a little background. I teach in a Title 1 school, where many of our students are from lower income or even homeless families. We also have a lot of students with extreme social emotional needs. I have been teaching for 15 years and came to this school 3 years ago. I have mentioned many times before how I always dreamed of being both a teacher and a mom. Even before I ever had a child of my own, I always loved the students in my class as if they were my own and am still connected to many of their families years later (in fact, my very first class is graduating from college this year). Over the course of 15 years, I have had many students sit in my classroom who I truly did not want to send home–for many different reasons—but the primary one being I knew they were not getting the love and care they needed and deserved. I would have taken any one of them home in a heartbeat and showered them with love. When I got hired to teach first grade at my current school 3 years ago, I was both excited and nervous. I had always wanted to teach in a population like this one, and was finally getting my chance. However, I also did not know what to expect and wanted to do the best job I could to support my students. I spent that summer preparing my classroom, making class lists, and prepping my first grade curriculum just like I have always done. I began my first day of school confident and ready for my new class! I learned very quickly that this would be a completely new teaching experience and in many ways I felt like a brand new teacher all over again. Part of the reason I love being a teacher is because each year is a new challenge and in that way this was no different. What was very different, were the types of challenges I was now facing. The stories of many of our students are sad ones. They have seen, heard, and felt things that no one, let alone a child, should ever have to deal with. Some of them are not having their basic needs met, and many of them come to school seeking love and attention. THIS is the reason I became a teacher! I HAD FOUND MY PLACE! This is where I was meant to be! I knew it the very first day. My heart was open and ready to let in all these sweet faces. It was by far the hardest year of my teaching career and I drove home in tears on more than one occasion.

Little did I know that in May of that same year, I would get the call that I had been chosen by a birth family. In many ways, two dreams came true in the same year. I was teaching in a population I had always wanted to be in, and now I was going to be a mom. The most interesting thing of all (and not a coincidence as I look back now) is that teaching in this school for those 9 months before I got the call, made me more sure than ever before that adoption was my journey. My feeling of being “school mom” to my students was on a whole new level, and I found myself trying to do everything I could to support my students not only academically, but physically, emotionally, and mentally as well. It became clear to me a child did not need to grow inside of me to feel the unconditional love of a mother. As I have said before, May 26 2017, the day I held my sweet boy for the first time was the happiest day of my life. I truly believe we were meant to be together and he was growing in my heart my whole life.

Here I am in my third year at the school, still in first grade. My sweet Riley is going to be 19 months old at the end of the month, and I have been finding the balance between work and home life. It has been a huge adjustment and many times not an easy one. I am no longer the teacher who is first to arrive, the last to leave, and then at home working until bedtime (and often on weekends). My home time is all about my family and spending every minute I can with my Riley. However, there has also been a very special connection that my adoption story has brought to school that I never imagined.

This brings me to this past week. Since I teach first grade (and am honestly quite intimidated by the upper grades math curriculum) I do not get a chance to connect with the older students as much. Last year, I had the unique opportunity to be the teacher in charge when our administrator was off campus, and it was the first time that I really got to interact with the students in the older grades. The students that usually spent this most time with me were those with behavior issues (since I was the administrator in charge) being sent to the office by teachers or other staff members. The funny thing is–the students (often boys) who are the biggest behavior problems are the ones I always seem to make the biggest connections with! It was one of my favorite parts of being the teacher in charge. I got to know a lot of these boys and grew to love each one of them. A few of them have been spending a lot of time with me the last few weeks. They have been getting into a lot of trouble and are struggling a lot both in and out of the classroom (I do not want to say too much to keep it anonymous–but they are middle school boys–so you can probably get a general picture in your mind). They come to my room to work with my first graders (to build their self confidence and sense of responsibility) and they have been showing up at my door during their recess or lunch and asking if they can hang out with me. I always invite them over to the table and let them lead the conversation. I do a lot of listening and they do a lot of sharing. The funny part is I don’t even have to say much–they just know that I genuinely care about them and what they are saying. They talk about their problems at home, in the classroom, on the yard, and sometimes just want to joke around and ask me questions about me. The other day, one of them saw a picture of Riley on the wall behind me. He asked, “Ms. Twomey is that your son?” I said yes and the conversation eventually led to me telling them he was adopted. All 3 of them looked up at me with eyes wide open… “REALLY?! You adopted him.” This led to a lot of follow up questions… but a few of their questions really struck me. “Ms. Twomey, is adoption like when your aunt has to take care of you for awhile and then your mom comes back?” or “Ms. Twomey, why didn’t his mom want him?” One of the most heartbreaking moments was when one of the boys said “Ms. Twomey, my mom told me she didn’t want me”. These boys–labeled as the “trouble-makers and the behavior problems” are craving love. I could see right into their hearts as they went on to share a lot more information about their lives both past and present. It gave me the chance to have an organic conversation about love and how family can look very different from one to the next. Most importantly, it gave me the chance to begin the conversation with them about how worthy they are of love and how capable they are of living a successful life. I told them how many of us love them, believe in them, and are here to support them every step of the way.

I have spent much of my adult life trying to discover my purpose and in that moment it all became very clear. Children are my purpose–they are my passion and I my role as “mother” extends far and beyond my sweet boy. It is my dream come true to wake up every morning to that little face and the love I feel for him is like no other. What I did not expect was just how much more adopting him would bring to my life. I have been able to teach my students not only about adoption, but how different families can look from one house (or apartment, or condo, or room, or even car in some circumstances) to the next. Family is all about love and includes any and all adults who show and give you love. For some of our students, we are those adults–the ones who provide them the stability, love, and support they need and deserve. People ask me all the time if I will adopt another child and I am very open to it but at this point don’t know what the future holds. One thing I know for sure, is that I will continue to raise my sweet boy the best way I know how and shower him with every ounce of love I have in my heart. And I will continue to go to work each day and love each one of those students as my own. I will end with one of my favorite quotes… “Family is where life begins and love never ends”.