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#openadoption - Worth my Wait

Tag: #openadoption

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Pandemic, Parenting, & Patience (OH MY!)

OH MY! OH MY! OH MY! If that doesn’t sum up the last year I don’t know what does!

My last post was in March of 2020. We had just arrived home from North Carolina and I was so excited to announce the arrival of our sweet baby Mikey. A few days later–we went into the “15 day” lockdown that became life as we know it for the indefinite future.. with no light at the end of the tunnel for a large chunk of that time. Here we are 13 months later, and I am so grateful to say that my brother, parents, and I are all vaccinated. Life seems to be returning to some sense of normalcy– but needless to say I have not sat down to write for quite some time. We have a lot of catching up to do!

Let me back up to where I left off on my last post… Mikey was two months old, Riley two years old, and we were ALL adjusting to our new family and the changes it brought. I would be lying if I said that it was all hugs, kisses, and smiles–it was amazing and wonderful for sure–but it was also a very challenging time, full of emotions and tears (from everyone).

My family was right there to support and I am forever grateful. Dan stood by my side (both physically and emotionally) the entire time in North Carolina and continued to be my rock when we arrived home. I had a lot of anxiety about how Riley was going to handle having a new baby brother. He had been the center of the universe (and rightfully so) in our family for two years and no matter how hard I tried, he was going to be sharing some of that time and attention with Mikey. I talked to him a lot throughout the 7 months we waited for the birth and did my best to prepare him. Having a baby brother in and of itself is a lot for a two year old to process. Add a trip across the country, a two weeks waiting for that baby to arrive, and an almost month long stay in North Carolina (in two separate airbnbs and two nights in a hotel without mama for the first time), and that takes it to a whole new level.

Life was was much different for everyone when we got home. I felt an added pressure that I think many parents feel when the second baby arrives. I wanted to make sure that Mikey got all of the love, cuddles, and bonding time he needed with mama–especially since he did grow inside of me. That first few weeks felt even more critical to create a bond with him. I also was so worried about taking away my time from Riley. I never wanted him to feel like he was missing out on any of mama’s love or attention with new baby in the house. I designated specific “Mama & Ri Ri times” throughout the day. We would color, read, paint, or even just have time to sit and cuddle or eat together, just mama and Riley. Riley and I also have a very special bedtime routine that started when he was an infant. I have only missed putting him to bed a handful of times since the day he was born and this was one of the things that I really wanted to keep as consistent as possible for him. Dan and I switch off each night so that both Mikey and Riley get one on one time for bath. Since Mikey goes to bed before Riley, I am still able to sneak out for the end of story time, sing our song (You Are My Sunshine) and put Riley to bed after Mikey goes down. This would not be possible without my brother–who does not go to bed now until after 7:30 some nights and has to be up by 1:30 for work. NO words to express my gratitude…

Parenting is amazing and hard all at the same time. AND my parents (speaking of amazing) continue to be there for me (42 years later) as I navigate through this journey. Not only are they a tremendous support to me, but they are incredible grandparents (or Gaga and Papa as the boys call them) who shower us with love each and every day. They picked us up at the airport the day we flew home, and have been on our doorstep every morning (and often before 7:30 am) since.

So there we were adjusting to our new family–slowly getting into a rhythm… and then came (insert the dramatic sounds effects—DUN DUN DUN)… THE PANDEMIC.

When the news first started reporting about the virus, I honestly didn’t think it was a big deal. We Riley’s first trip to Disneyland booked for April, I was getting in a quick trip to the gym during nap time every day, and I wasn’t too concerned at all. Ironically I was at the gym the day the lockdown was first put into effect- gyms, parks, schools, and all businesses that were not considered “essential” were closing. People were told not to leave their house unless they were going to work But my parents decided that they would limit their “bubble” to include my house and their house. So we started our “15 day” lock down with our six person bubble–my parents, my brother, Riley, Mikey, and me. Fifteen days, turned into weeks–and slowly we watched more and more things close. Weeks turned into months, and we waited and waited. Riley turned 3 in May and we had a Pirate themed celebration. I did everything I could to make it as special as we could for him even–and we had family and friends drive by and honk while he sat in his pirate ship on the front lawn. We made the best

of the situation and he had a great day.

Summer came and went with nothing too exciting–it was becoming more and more challenging to not be able to see friends or have play dates. Before I knew it the school year was ready to begin. I took a part time position this year at school to be home one day a week and give my parents a bit of a break. Riley would be attending the preschool program on my campus and would be able to go to school with me every morning. My parents so graciously volunteered to take care of Mikey for me on the days I worked. It was the perfect plan—and then—THE PANDEMIC PIVOT (as I have decided to call it).

The school year started with 100% distance learning. My sweet Riley’s first day of preschool and his entire school year has been on Zoom. It has been challenging to say the least. It almost seems ridiculous to even ask 3 year olds to sit on an ipad for school—but it was definitely the only option for majority of the year. Our virtual school year experience is enough for a whole other post (or two–stay tuned), but for now, I will just say that we are ALL looking forward to the Fall when he can hopefully enter the classroom for the first time.

And my MIKEY… where to begin?! I can hardly believe he is going to be 16 months old. He is walking (running really), climbing (on anything and everything), giggling (his gut laugh is contagious), and SLEEPING like a champ for his mama. There is something about this little boy that is pure magic. He is a bundle pure joy and has brought so much light and energy to our family. The poor little guy has still not met some of my closest friends and family–and we are hopeful that 2021 will be better. He had a Cookie Monster themed first birthday in January. It was definitely a small celebration–but a special day.

The brother bond between Riley and Mikey is evident and pretty incredible to watch. They have so many of the same mannerisms and facial expressions. Mikey already looks up to his big brother and wants to do everything he does. Riley always goes with me to get Mikey in the morning when he wakes up. Riley climbs into the crib and the way Mikey looks up at him fills my heart with so much joy. I am not going to lie… there are A LOT of hard and challenging moments–and days where I feel like I am doing it all wrong. But then there are moments like this morning… I came out to sit on the recliner chair and feed Mikey his bottle. Riley curled up next to me and put his hand on the bottle. Mikey reached out his hand and curled his fingers around Riley’s. Riley began to sing to him… “go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep little Mikey”. It is those moments that I cherish and hold onto.

There are so many more things I want to share… but I wanted to start with a WELCOME BACK post to give a little update on where we’ve been… I am going to set out time each week to get back to my writing. Most nights by the time both boys are asleep and I sit down on the couch, I can’t keep my eyes open!!! Even this post took me about 4 days to complete. I definitely don’t always know the answers and make a lot of mistakes along the way–but it’s very important to me that I share our journey and what I learn along the way.

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A Hold on My Heart

I have put my Riley to bed almost every night for the last 2 years…. There was a Back to School Night and 1 other night that I could not be home in time and Uncle Dan took over. I have turned down invites or left after bedtime to be able to put him down each night because it is so important to me. We developed a special routine from day 1 and have been doing it ever since with adjustments as he gets older. When he was a newborn, our routine started with bath time. He did not love the bath at first, but it did not take long for him to giggle and smile when his feet touched the water. After bath time, we would head to momma’s bed to give him a massage, wrap him up in his sleep sack (or cozies as we call them), say good night to Guncle (who has not missed many bath times), and lay in momma’s arms for his bottle. As he drank his milk, I would sing to him…Even when I was still in the hospital with him, I would sing to him every night as he laid in my arms. I don’t remember exactly when, but there became a specific order of the songs that I sing to him—a Riley bedtime playlist if you will! Riley’s bedtime playlist has not gone platinum yet but just in case you are curious–here it goes: Riley’s Bedtime Playlist Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, ABC’s, 1,2,3 (which is the alphabet song but counting to 20 instead–made up by Uncle Dan), My Favorite Things (Sound of Music), Take Me Out to the Ballgame (of course!), Soft Kitty (yes from Big Bang Theory–he loves it), and ending with a version of the BINGO song… but instead of Bingo I spell out RILEY… “There’s a boy that Mommy loves, and Riley is his name-o”—-and go through everyone that loves him… When he was tiny–I sometimes had to repeat the last song a few times before he finished his milk, burped, and fell fast asleep. Then I would gently kiss his forehead, lay him in his bassinet next to my bed, and tip toe out of the room. If iI am being honest, some nights I was so tired, I would just lay down right next to him on my bed and fall asleep too!

When he got a little older (and too big for the bassinet) I had to transition him to his own crib and room. This was harder then I thought it would be–but mostly for me! He on the other hand loved his crib!!! Our bedtime routine still began with his bath, and then into his room to get on cozies and then sit with momma in the rocking chair for songs, milk, and cuddles until he fell asleep. I would close my eyes and nod off to some nights. It became one of my most favorite times of day–having my little boy all cuddled up in my arms sleeping peacefully.

Before I knew it, that little tiny newborn swaddled up in my arms, was a 2 year old boy whose legs now dangle off of mine in that chair! Bath time now includes bubbles, sometimes colored water, and A LOT of superheroes! I try not to read the mommy how to articles–and that means that he was drinking a bedtime bottle on my lap until well past 18 months (the books all say to stop after a year and I had no idea)! I am here to tell you that a bottle a few months longer was no big deal and we transitioned to a sippy cup in no time! Songs with momma and lots of cuddles…..BUT here’s the thing… that little body just keeps growing….

The past 2 weeks, he has not been so interested in his milk and has been squirming a lot more on my lap—our cuddle time was beginning to look a little different–his legs are too long to lay sideways on my lap–and it takes him awhile to get comfy… But neither of us was ready to give it up. I would whisper, “Ri Ri do you want to go in your bed”, and he would quickly reply, “No—chair”… and lay completely still so that I would not ask him again.

Then last night happened… we did not even bring a sippy cup into the room. He did not want milk at bedtime. I know this sounds like a silly thing to make a big deal about–but my little boy is growing up. The most special part was that he still wanted to sit on my lap and listen to all his songs. He took one of my hands and put it on his cheek and then intertwined his fingers on his other hand with mine until I finished singing. Tears of course rolled down my cheeks as I felt his warm little cheek on my right hand and held his left hand in mine. Time is flying by and I am cherishing every minute. I know that he will not want to hold my hand forever, but he has a FOREVER hold on my heart.