I am dedicating this entry to my dear grandfather, and Riley’s great-grandfather, Papa Joe. He passed away at the age of 89 Thursday evening and we will miss him dearly. My family also lost a cousin the same evening, so its been a hard week. Riley has truly been the light in a very dark few days. Whenever there is a loss, it always makes me reflect on my own life and how thankful I am for my family. It sounds cliche, but I truly don’t know what I would do without my family and am so grateful that Riley is surrounded by so much love.
I knew I wanted to be a mom my whole life and as I got older, I decided that I was going to do it single. I say the word “single” because I am not married or in a committed relationship… However, when it comes to raising my son, I am far from single… I am blessed to have an incredible village of both friends and family who have supported me through the entire journey. I actually tell people sometimes, that I feel spoiled by the amount of love and support that my sweet boy and I receive each day.
From the moment I made the decision to become a mom, my parents assured me that I would never pay a cent for day care. They are both retired and could not wait to become grandparents. I live with my twin brother, Dan, and he was also super supportive. When I began my journey with IVF, we were living in a 2 bedroom condo in San Mateo that I had purchased in 2008. We knew this would not be ideal with a new baby on the way, and I decided to put it on the market, in hopes of finding a duplex that we could purchase together. This way my brother could have his private space, and I would have the comfort of knowing Uncle Dan was right next door. The first part of my plan was a success–my condo sold in less than a week! However, the buyers market was BANANAS and we got outbid on every offer we made. We decided to rent for awhile until the market slowed down… Needless to say we are still waiting. I had waited over 3 years to be chosen by a birth mother, so I don’t really know how real it felt to any of us until the day I got the call. I was unsure if my brother would still want to live with me in our house. He works at a local news station and starts work at 3:00 AM each day. We do have 3 bedrooms, but it would be a complete life adjustment to bring a newborn into the house. Not only was he supportive, he went out of his way to help me get the house ready and complete the home study update in time. He even bought my little guy his first outfit (which happened to be a batman onesie even though we still had no idea it was a boy when he bought it). I will never forget the day he looked at me and said, “I am going to be an uncle”!
My parents were over the moon excited and were with me every day of the week before he was born–shopping, washing clothes, assembling pack and plays, high chairs, strollers, swings….. and most of all being my calm in a time when I was so nervous and anxious.
I am also so lucky to have such an incredible group of friends (who are more like family) who took me by the hand and got me prepared with all the essentials. Genny created my Target registry for me and added all the essentials. Elizabeth took me to Babys’r’us to do my live registry–and brought me everything she had from her twins when they were born 2 years before. Jill let me borrow her bassinet, car seat, car seat base, & Moby wrap to get me started…. as well as an entire travel pack with everything I would need–diapers, wipes, formula, safety kit–you name it, she though of it. At a time, when my brain was all over the place, they did the thinking for me. My friends at work threw me an impromtu baby shower and were so very generous. They also went above and beyond to make sure that I did not need to worry about one thing at school while I was away. And remember, this was the end of the school year–there were assessments to be done, report cards to be done and printed, cumulative folders to be completed, class lists to be made for the following year, lesson plans for the last 4 weeks of school I would miss. They helped me get as much done as I could before I left, and then told me not to worry–it would all be handled. The parents in my class were also amazing. They were not only understanding, they also threw me a shower on my last day, and two of the moms (who are still my close friends) supported the guest teacher the entire time I was away.
I was overwhelmed with love and support even before my sweet boy arrived… I have mentioned it many times before, but my dad being with us in North Carolina meant more to me then I could ever express in words. He was MY ROCK. My other two rocks, my mom and brother, were waiting for us when we arrived home. They had prepared the nursery while we were away and had a welcoming poster, balloons, and lots of hugs and kisses for us to welcome us! I actually call my family the Core 4 (a SF Giants reference) and that could not be more accurate since becoming a mom. My mom slept over every night for the first 5 nights I was home and between the 3 of them I spent little time by myself. My sweet boy had a lot going on in that little body of his and did a lot of crying and not a lot of sleeping for quite some time–almost 7-8 months (more details to come in another entry). My brother would get up in the middle of the night and come to make a bottle or just be moral support when Riley was inconsolable. My dad came over every single morning for the entire time I was off of work (between summer and my leave it was almost 5 months) to let me go to the gym or even just have some company after a long night. He would leave and my mom came many days to meet me for lunch and would hang out until my brother got home from work and the gym in the afternoon. My brother and I would take turns eating dinner or holding (and often trying to soothe) Riley. I look back on those first months, and honestly don’t know how I could have done it without them. I did not expect them to at all, and told them many times not to worry-and their reply was always the same, “We are in this together”.
When I went back to work, it was another huge adjustment. Riley was still not sleeping more than a few hours at a time, and I was learning to function for the first time as a full time working mom. Once again, my family was there to support me and my sweet boy. For the entire school year, my parents watched Riley at my house. My dad showed up every morning at 6:30 (with coffee in hand for me) so that I could beat traffic and get to work by 7:00. Before Riley, I got up every morning at 4:30 and went to the gym before work. My mom volunteered to sleep over 2 nights a week so that I could get in my workout. My brother is off on Fridays, and he let me go Friday mornings. My dad (to this day) comes over every Sunday morning so I can go for a run around my neighborhood. They know how important exercise is to me and with their help, I am able to get in 4-5 workouts a week. I am so grateful. Riley was a challenge to sleep train, and my family was always willing to follow whatever routine I was following. That is a lot of the reason that my parents watch him at my house. He will only sleep in his crib–not in the car, not in the stroller, and not at anyone’s else’s house (we are working on it). So they pack their lunch, and spend the day at my house every day. I leave work as soon as I can–but there are days one of them is there until 4 or 4:30.
This past year, my grandfather, who I dedicated this entry too, was struggling medically. He needed a lot more care and was in and out of the hospital. He was no longer allowed to drive, so my parents would take him shopping, to his doctor appointments, and even to get his hair cut. By the last few months of school, his health had really declined and one of them had to go by his house every single day. This meant they had to tag team at my house. One of them would stay with Riley, while one left early to go and care for Papa Joe. I offered many times to stay home on days he had appointments and they would never let me. They did not want me to lose pay (I had to exhaust all my sick time to stay home with my guy and so any days out were unpaid when I came back). They always figured out a plan and went out of their way to make sure everyone was taken care of. We lost my grandfather last Thursday and I feel so thankful that my Riley was able to meet his great-grandfather. We are very sad to lose my grandpa but anytime there is a death in the family, it is also a reminder to appreciate the people in your life and to spend every minute you can with them. A few people reached out to me this past week asking where my latest blog entry was and the answer is… I was with my family—sharing, laughing, and loving–lots of loving. Rest in peace my sweet Papa Joe.