open adoption - Worth my Wait

March 1, 2020

“Mikey” our unexpected MIRACLE

It has definitely been a while since my last post. TRUST me when I tell you that I have been waiting and waiting for the day that I could come on and SHARE our AMAZING news. But of course, the teacher in me wants to tell the story from the beginning…So… here it goes!

It was a Thursday afternoon in June 2019. I was sitting in my first grade classroom with my first grade team and the Kindergarten team. We were making plans for the 2020-2021 school year as the current year was coming to an end (waaaaaay later then everyone else I might add). My phone buzzed and when I looked down, I saw I was receiving a facebook message from Riley’s birth mom. I had sent her a picture from his second birthday a week or two before and figured she was replying to that message. As soon as I read her message, “What was the name of the adoption agency we used for Riley?”, I got butterflies in my stomach……I did not even need to ask the next question because I already knew the answer… but I wrote back anyway, “Why, are you pregnant?” She answered quickly that she was seven weeks pregnant and had decided not to keep the baby. She told me her and the birth father (the same biological father as Riley) would love nothing more then for me to adopt this baby as well. I suppose I felt much like a woman feels when she finds out she is pregnant and it was totally unplanned.

People had asked me many times if I thought Riley’s birth mom would ever get pregnant again and I honestly did not think so. I had given away most all of Riley’s newborn things, and thanked the universe daily for making my dream of becoming a mom come true. Riley is everything I ever dreamed of and so much more. He has brought more joy into my heart and soul and to our family then I could ever express in words. The funny thing is that after he turned a year old, I had started to feel a little sad that Riley did not have a sibling to grow up with. My twin brother, Dan, is my best friend and I can’t imagine life without him. I had recently been thinking about maybe looking into fostering to adopt. But there was a lot to consider when making that decision…. as a single mom, I needed to make sure that I had the finances to support two children. I also know that the foster to adopt journey can be very emotional and that children may come and go from our house. I had to consider how this would affect my sweet Riley. I also knew that it would be a lot for my family. I have been so blessed to have the unending support of my brother (who lives with us) and my mom and dad (who take care of Riley every day when I am at work). I could never ask or expect them to do the same for two children. Needless to say, I had not made any decisions as of that afternoon in June.

I read it again, “Yes, I am 7 weeks pregnant and due January 4″. You are our first choice to be the mother”. IN flowed the emotions… excitement, fear, surprise, worry, happiness, joy, nervousness…. I could go on and on… and I am not one to hide my emotions so everyone in the room quickly heard the news. Although I was flooded with feelings and emotion–I was positive in that moment the little angel growing inside her belly was meant to be with us. My subconscious (and my heart) took over as my fingers frantically typed YES YES YES! I was going to be a mom of two and RILEY WAS GOING TO BE A BIG BROTHER!!!!

This was much different then two years ago when I got the news about Riley. I did not get the call until May 9 and he was born on May 26, 2016. I had only a few weeks to prepare and everything happened very fast. She was only 7 weeks pregnant at this point…. and January felt so far away. So much could happen between now and then and I knew it was going to be an emotional journey. Even though I did not know what the future would bring, there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be that baby’s momma and I would do whatever it took to keep these two siblings together.

I wanted to be able to tell my family in person, so I waited until I got home that day to share the news. They were all a little (OK COMPLETELY) shocked and unsure how to react at first. All of their feelings stemmed from their love of both Riley and I. They wanted to make sure that I was not taking on more then I could handle, physically, emotionally, or financially. I also wanted them to know that I would never expect them to support 2 children and I the way they had for the last 2 and a half years. They have truly given their lives to us for which I am forever thankful. I know they were nervous, scared, and anxious, but they told me they would always be here to support me.

Since she was only 7 weeks pregnant, I was nervous to share the news with too many people. I wanted to wait until she was at least through her first trimester. Once again, I felt like a pregnant women must feel when she learns the exciting news and then has to wait to make sure everything is ok to share. It sounds silly, but I really felt like I was getting the true feeling mentally and emotionally of motherhood this time around. I must also say here, that although I will never be able to fully understand how it feels physically (or emotionally or mentally for that matter) to carry a baby for nine months, but I am forever thankful to the birth mom (and all birth moms) for their strength. Week 12 arrived and I could not keep the news to myself any longer. I would of course not post anything on social media until after the birth (or very close to it as it turned out), but I began to share with my circle of friends and family. Although the overwhelming response was happiness and excitement, I would be lying if I said that I did not receive any skepticism or questions. Most of this skepticism was around being a single mom of 2 children both under the age of 3. Some of the most common concerns and questions I heard were: “How will you afford 2?”, “Do you know how much work it is to have 2 children on your own?” “How will you afford day care?” I listened to each question and responded each time in a similar way… “I can’t tell you exactly how I will make it all work, but I can tell you I will”. There was never one doubt in my mind that this baby was coming home to live with us, and I was ready to do whatever I had to for my family.

The blessing of having so much time until the birth was being able to make plans. From the most basic plans of traveling to North Carolina (which is a lot of logistics by itself), to the more complex financial and career plans. Like I said earlier, the last two and a half years have been amazing–and I can’t imagine how I would have done it without my parents and my brother. However, I would never expect my parents to watch two children full time. I was also very sensitive to the fact that my brother is a morning news director and gets up every morning at 1:30 a.m. He has lost MANY hours of sleep over the last 2.5 years (and never complained once) and given ENDLESS support to both Riley and I. I told him right away that I understood if he felt like two little humans was too much and didn’t want to live together anymore. And so my research began… I priced different preschools for Riley, possible day care for new baby, a part-time nanny, or even a live in au pair (if my brother moved out). I calculated my current monthly expenses and then added on what I thought the extra expenses would be with the new little one. With my teaching salary, my Rodan + Fields business, and my new business in the financial industry (another stay at home business–more on that later), I was confident I could afford it on my own. We would live simply, but both of my children would live in a warm house, with warm clothes, food on the table, and more love then I could ever measure for the rest of their lives.

One of the things that I asked of the birth mom was to find out the gender of the baby. I had a lot of things left from when Riley was a baby and since I had so much time to prepare, I loved the idea of being able to get everything all set! It may sound silly, but since I could not carry the baby myself and was all the way across the country, it also made me feel a little more connected if I knew the gender. Birth mom said she was completely ok with that and gave me the date of her first ultrasound. I marked it in my calendar and counted down the days! She had a 9:00 am appointment on September 4….Since she is in North Carolina, this meant it would be 6:00 am in California. I waited and waited and waited for my phone to go off. Before I knew it, it was lunchtime at school and still no word. I finally heard from her later that day (she had forgotten her phone at home) and told me that they were not able to see the gender and she had to go back in a month. EEEEK! So I marked my calendar again and waited. To be totally honest, something inside of me really thought it was going to be a girl (as did many of my friends and family). There was another part of me that wondered if the next ultrasound would even be able to show the gender. 30 days felt like 100 and I continued to remain in a place of gratitude and thanks. That October morning came and I of course started checking my phone right at 6 am. I even texted birth mom at 5:30 am “Happy Gender Reveal Day!!! Can’t wait to hear”! I was on Fall Break and at a library with Riley and my parents for story time when I felt my phone buzz. “They were able to see the gender–are you ready LOL”…. I frantically typed back–“YES YES YES!!!” She replied, “You are officially a boy mom”! My heart exploded and I looked up at my parents and whispered “It’s a boy”! Riley was going to be a big brother AND to a baby boy!!! My brother was at work and was the next person I messaged. I will never forget his reply—I could feel his excitement coming through even on text (as silly as that sounds) and he even admitted feeling a little choked up. Although I had always envisioned having at least one daughter (and who knows what the future holds) I was over the moon with the blessing of raising two little boys.

I had already began to make a list of names even before I knew the gender. But honestly, I really only had one boy name that I was positive about. It was very important to me that Riley have my dad’s name, Patrick, as his middle name. My dad is an amazing man and it is important to me his name live on in Riley. Another very amazing man in our lives was my grandfather Joseph, or as we called him Papa Joe. He passed away almost 2 years ago and left us all a little bit of an inheritance. My parents handed me the check a few days after I found out about the second baby and I knew in that moment that my grandfather was supporting me through this process. “Joseph” is also my brother Dan’s middle name and it just seemed like a perfect fit. I have always loved the name “Mikey”. And so I had it, Michael Joseph Twomey, and we would call him Mikey He was my miracle… My MIKEY MIRACLE!

There is lots more to this story and the author in me wants to give each part of the story its own chapter…BUT I would never leave my readers hanging! So I am going to fast forward a bit. Riley, Dan, and I traveled to North Carolina on January 2 to await the birth of our little man. Mikey was born on January 15, 2020 at 5:45 p.m. in North Carolina–11 days late (another post altogether)! He was 21.5 inches and 8 lbs 4 ounces. I was able to be in the room for the delivery and cut the cord. Mikey and I were given our own room and were skin to skin within minutes. It truly was love at first sight and I cried tears of joy the moment I held him in my arms. Riley and Uncle Dan were there with us a few hours later. One of the most amazing moments happened when they arrived. Mikey had been asleep on me for almost 2 hours and had not opened his eyes much at all before they got there. The minute Riley walked over to the bassinet and talked, Mikey’s eyes opened up wide. They stared at each other in a way that I can’t express in words. Both Dan and I could see they knew they were brothers. Their connection was instant and magical.

We lived in North Carolina for a week after his birth and then we all traveled home to meet Gaga and Papa. Again, more details to follow in later posts. We are home and adjusting to our new life together. Riley is an AMAZING big brother and my parents and brother have been simply INCREDIBLE once again. I am going to take the rest of the school year off to be home with my two boys and am overcome with feelings of gratitude and thanks. I would like to end for now, by sharing a few pictures–but I assure you there are many more on the way along with more details about our journey together! DREAMS DO COME TRUE!!!!

October 19, 2019

Fall Break with my boy

I am sitting here watching my little man fast asleep during nap time… and just finished my daily meditation focused on appreciation. I found myself reflecting and journaling a lot about the last 2 weeks I have been able to spend with Riley. My school district is on a modified year round schedule and we have a two week break in October. Although I do not like a shorter summer, I am so thankful for this bonus time with my boy in October.

I could not write this post without first mentioning the amazing and unending support and love of my family. Riley is so very lucky (as am I) to have his Gaga and Papa watch him every day when I am at work full time. Even when I am on break, they are still there to help and for that I am so appreciative. Riley went to their house every morning for breakfast–and not just any old breakfast–home made GOODNESS–ranging from french toast, to scrambled eggs and cheese, even a breakfast quesadilla one day! He loves his Papa Toast (toast with cheese and butter–but Gaga has to eat off all the crust) and gets very excited to be with them every morning. Mama gets to go to the gym, listen to my latest audio book (Super Attractor) and get in some work for my at home businesses. I am blessed to have my skincare business and was able to do some in person skin consultations as well as some coaching and mentoring of team members. I also just started a new endeavor working with families to build financial literacy and is has been so rewarding. I was able to sit down with some people and help them set up their finances for the rest of their lives…. something I never imagined I would be doing but truly love it! A few hours of work and my Riley was back to momma by 11ish! We ate our lunch together and played until nap time. Mama spent most nap times checking back in on the business or other BORING ADULT activities waiting for my partner in crime to wake up!!! I mentioned in my last post about how his little mind is developing faster then I can keep up with. He is just about two and a half and very verbal. He has quite a little mind of his own and a big personality. It is a BLAST to hang out with him!

Ever since the Halloween decorations were out in stores (which I must remind you was in August in some places), Riley has been celebrating. We made daily visits to the “pop up boo store” as he calls the Halloween store, as well as Colma and Westlake Home Depot–and yes, he does actually say “Colma” or “Westlake” when he asks to visit one. We often visit these stores in costume. Even though Riley is 100% positive that him, Guncle, and I will all be dressed up as Hulkie (we have matching hooded sweatshirts) on Halloween, we have somehow managed to accumulate Buzz Lightyear, Captain America, Black Panther, Darth Vader, and Owl-ette (PJ Masks character) costumes as well as other various ears, wings, and masks on any given day. HE ABSOLUTELY LOVES Halloween and everything about it. He loves nothing more then to put on his costume and pretend to be whatever the character of the day (or hour) is. We are definitely getting our use out of each and every one and he looks ADORABLE in every one!

We spent a large part of the last two weeks just walking around the neighborhood looking at all the “boos”. We live in a wonderful neighborhood where Riley is very well known… and he is often handed a little piece of candy along our walk–and always given a high five or a big smile! We have become so close with a few of our neighbors he even calls them Auntie or Uncle and they invite us in whenever they see us. The other night we got home, and our neighbor across the street (who adores Riley) saw us pull up. He had just finished decorating the whole front lawn with blow up Halloween figures and other seasonal fun. Of course, Riley raced over there the minute we got out of the car and was running straight for the lawn. The neighbors around here take GREAT PRIDE in their front lawns and I cringe every time he tries to walk on them. My neighbor, quickly looked at me and said, “It’s fine, let him play–he loves it” as Riley not only ran across his lawn, but proceeded to embrace the giant skeleton in a hug! And it did not stop there. My neighbor sent him home with Halloween things to hang on our bushes, plastic pumpkins for trick or treating, and a wooden Happy Halloween sign to put in his room. This same neighbor gave him his very own tomato plant right off his front porch a few weeks ago because he thought it would be so fun for him. This morning we were outside riding his bike (yes, he is almost doing it by himself–eeek) and he saw another neighbor working on his car. He is very curious and loves to look through a tool chest or bag. I went to stop him and my neighbor stopped me and said, “Riley want to help me with my car? You can get a screwdriver”. The smile that emerged on his little face as he emptied out the whole tool bad said it all! He was absolutely thrilled and had a blast! I could go on forever with stories about the wonderful people we are surrounded by. Riley and I feel so very safe and loved and could not be more appreciative to live on our street.

And it would not be a vacation without a few fun adventures! We visited Lemos Farm in Half Moon Bay with Guncle and Auntie Nicole! This was our first visit to a true “pumpkin farm” setting. Riley hated the car and was a rough traveler for the first year or so, and I was always too nervous to try the Half Moon Bay trip. HE LOVED EVERY SECOND! He got to ride a pony for the first time (which made momma, auntie more nervous then him), feed the goats, tromp around in pumpkins, walk through the haunted house with Guncle, eat popcorn and a hulkie cookie, and ended his trip with a “Happy Mimi” (Happy Meal) from McDonald’s. Ironically, we did not come home with an actual pumpkin-but we did however get a DELICIOUS loaf of pumpkin bread.

This last week, we visited Guncle at work! He works at KRON 4 and this was Riley’s 3rd trip to see him. He was OVER THE MOON excited and had a blast running all over the set, sliding on the curved wall, and even got to sit at the anchor desk with James Fletcher! The people at KRON are always so patient and friendly as my busy and curious little man races around touching everything. It is a good thing we visit when the newscast is over!!!!

One of my favorite parts of being on break is catching up with friends who I do not get to see very often with busy schedules. We spent time with my best friend and her two kids (who Riley adores) at the park as well as some other very special people in my life. I have been teaching for 15 years, and am happy to say that I am still in touch with so many of the families. Just over the last 2 weeks, I have seen 4 of the families whose children I taught at some point. 3 of the girls are now in college–and have grown into amazing women. It brings my heart such joy to see them shower my Riley with love. I have said many times that my students have always been like children to me, so to see them interact with him is something I can’t put into words. One of these sweet girls will be watching Riley 2 days a week in November. My father has to have a surgery (he is ok) and my parents will not be able to watch him for a month as my dad recovers. I was so anxious because I have never had anyone but family watch Riley and reached out to Hannah and her family. They literally replied within minutes and said they were here to help in any way they could! I am again at a loss for words on how to express my appreciation and gratitude.

So now as I sit here on Saturday afternoon—and my Fall break is coming to an end, I could choose to feel angry and disappointed that I have to go back to work. However, that would serve no purpose. I spent a lot of time over this break focusing on personal development as well, and choose happiness and joy always. I feel so lucky to have had these two weeks with my sweet boy–who has truly grown into a little boy–and now so appreciative to go back to a job I love with colleagues who I love and appreciate. I get to drive to work each day knowing that Riley is in the best hands possible and being showered with love and laughter while I am away. So yes, Monday morning will be a little hard—but I will go to bed Sunday night with a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart.

October 11, 2019

My boy is growing

Yes, you probably guessed it! I am on Fall Break. I was looking back at the last post and it was on summer break. Once I get into my full time teacher mode, most of the writing I do is lesson plans, curriculum and professional development… although I did just start my very own newsletter and feel very excited about that. I have also taken up meditation and daily journaling. Needless to say, I love to write and wanted to share some updates on Riley and momma’s journey through life.

We are definitely 2!!!! I often hear a lot of negative connotations associated with this age- “the terrible 2’s” being the most frequent. I would be lying if I told you that some new challenging behaviors have not arisen–or moments when I needed to count to ten (or twenty or sometimes even higher)!!! But I am truly loving every minute of this stage of his life and continue to be in awe of how much his little brain is developing.

The “teacher” in me is always observing, watching, and trying to learn more. I did not let him watch any television until he was two years old. We spent our time playing, reading, and singing. I can say that “Eat, Play, Sing (and Read) does change everything! He is very verbal and already communicating in 3-4 word sentences. He knows all the superheroes, Toy Story, Sesame Street, Paw Patrol, and PJ Masks (a new one for me) characters without ever having watched any of them on TV. It has been so incredible to watch him go from looking at the pictures in the book, to pointing to the pictures, to naming the characters as he points, and now he is pretending to be the characters himself. I can sit and just watch him for hours (although let’s be honest-his attention span is about 5-6 minutes if I am lucky on any one activity). There are songs that we have been singing to him every day since he was a baby–and now he will sing a long or lay in his crib and sing to himself when he wakes up. There is NOTHING BETTER then driving in the car and hearing “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star….” being sung in the back seat… or being serenaded during bath time with “Head Shoulders, Knees and Toes”. My mom has even taught him her old Balboa High school cheer and he LOVES to tease Guncle with it whenever possible. I could go on and on with example after example of the ways this little man brings a smile to my face every day and fills my heart with joy.

I have been very honest from the beginning that Riley has quite a temperament and that is still true. It is genetic and not something that will change. As he has moved into this “toddler” phase of life–his temperament has also began to show itself in different ways. When he is happy he IS BLISSFULLY happy and can laugh and be silly and emulate joy. When he is angry–that pendulum swings the opposite direction and he can do a complete 360 in an instant. The mom and teacher in me wanted to really find the best way to support him through all of this. I spent my entire summer studying the brain and in particular the brain of a child. I highly recommend the book “No Drama Discipline” https://www.amazon.com/No-Drama-Discipline-Whole-Brain-Nurture-Developing/dp/034554806X or the “The Whole Brain Child”, both written by Daniel Siegel. I have learned so much about why behaviors and reactions look the way they do, and many times–it is all about his developing brain. When I first started reading the book, I laughed when I read that you should look forward to meltdowns–they are a time to learn more about your child, develop a stronger emotional connection, and begin to teach his developing brain how to handle different situations. Never in a million years did I think that a tantrum would HELP in any way!!!! But I am here to tell you–it has been an incredible way to learn more about my sweet boy and we have made huge strides in his behavior and overall response to different situations. Now all I want to do is go out and help other families implement these same strategies! I am using them in my classroom with my first graders and also seeing huge growth.

It is all about connecting before correcting and understanding that sometimes the part of the brain the child needs to handle a given situation or make a choice has not fully developed. There are great examples of things you can do to help them develop those skills even from as young as two years old. A few examples… Riley went through a phase where he was “hulk smashing” people in the face. My immediate reaction would initially have been to yell “No” and “Don’t hit people”. After reading the book, the first time he hit someone again with the Hulk-I had a different reaction. My brother and him were playing and Riley hit Dan with Hulk and said “HULK SMASH”… He laughed and did it again. I heard Dan say “OW” very loudly and came out. Instead of yelling from across the room and telling Riley to stop… I walked over, sat down next to him and said, “I heard Guncle say ow… it looks like he feels sad.” Riley smiled at first and kind of laughed and raised Hulk up to do it again. I blocked Hulk and said again, “Oh it really looks like Guncle feels sad when you hit him, don’t you think?” Riley did not say much, but I could see on his face that he was beginning to understand a bit. It took a few more times and he has for the most part stopped hitting with Hulk. He is developing a sense of empathy even from this very young age, and his brain is growing and developing the skills it needs to make the right choice. Another example–more specifically around a tantrum situation. The word “no” can be very triggering for children and I read a lot in the book about how to connect and redirect before you try to do anything else. One morning, Riley really wanted to have “hulky pretzel” (which is a key lime flavored colored pretzel in non super hero words) for breakfast. He began to scream and cry when I told him that we were not going to have that for breakfast and that he could choose pancakes or a Mickey Waffle or eggs (all amazing choices in my opinion). He continued to insist “I want hulky pretzel now” and was getting more and more upset. Before reading the book, I may have just said, Well you can’t have that now and just ignored the tantrum. What I learned was that he is so upset in the moment, and is reacting from the lower “fight or flight” part of his brain and the right emotional side. The left side of his brain (and more logical one) is not developed enough to truly understand much more then he was just told no and isn’t happy. So again, I got down to his level took him on my lap, and said, “Oh big boy, you feel so sad ha?” He said, “YES I want hulky pretzel now momma”. I continued to hug him and said “I know you are so sad and momma loves you. I don’t want you to feel sad. We are going to have something very special for breakfast and save your hulky preztel in a special place for after lunch! Do you want to help me hide it”? First, I connected and made him feel loved and supported when he was feeling upset… Then, redirected with a game of hiding the hulky pretzel and letting him “help” with making breakfast. Once we had hidden the pretzel and he was eating breakfast (and was much calmer with level blood sugar) I asked him again…. “Silly goose, do we eat Hulky Pretzels for breakfast”? He made a silly face and said “yes momma” at first and then hid his face… But then looked at me and said “No momma, Hulky after lunch”. This boy doesn’t miss a beat and remembered exactly when he got to eat that pretzel!

I share these stories just to show that this parenting stuff is not always easy–but it is an amazing journey. I continue to learn so much from this little boy on a daily basis, not only about him, but about myself and am truly just so thankful!

It sounds cliche, but I waited my whole life to be a mom and now I am living that dream and trying to soak up every minute. I am so thankful to my brother and my parents for jumping on board with me as I navigate through these new strategies, and truly feel so proud of the kind little boy Riley is growing up to be!

June 25, 2019

No Momma Work (or wurt as Ri Ri calls it)!

School’s out for summer! I have not been on here in awhile and that is mostly because it was quite a year in Ms. Twomey’s first grade class! I was spending my days with my school munchkins, and my evenings loving up my sweet boy for every second possible before bedtime. After bedtime, I was checking in with my Rodan + Fields team and customers… doing my nightly meditations and affirmations… and then fast asleep to be up for my 4:15 workout. Needless to say, something had to give, and it was my blog. However, that is not how I want it to be, and am going to commit to being more consistent in the fall when school is back in session… But for now–

SUMMER HAS BEGUN!!!! Almost every day of the school year, Riley says “No Momma Wurt” (that is how he pronounces work) when I am getting ready to leave. On Saturday and Sunday morning, he is always so excited because he knows that it is not a momma work day. We cheer and yell NO MOMMA WORK!!! So we were both very excited last Friday when I got home and I was officially off for the next 7ish weeks. My school calendar follows a modified year round schedule, so we have a shorter summer and multiple breaks during the year.

I feel like I have a lot to updates to give since my last post in January! A lot has happened in the last 5 months! First and foremost, my sweet Riley has grown into a little BOY! He turned 2 in May and time is going way to fast!!!! It honestly feels not that long ago that I was terrified to put this tiny little baby in the carseat (mostly because he hated it and screamed his head off)…. and now he climbs into his front facing seat all by himself and can fasten his own belt. I remember being up with him every 1-2 hours for months and months, and wondering if he would ever sleep through the night… and now I lay him down by 7:30 and he has been sleeping soundly until 6:30 or 7 the next morning. I remember how sensitive his tummy was—I tried formula after formula and all different bottle brands… and the poor guy had so much trouble. I was so worried he was not getting enough food in him and that it would affect his growth. And now, he will eat ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING and towers over kids his age! His coos turned into babbles, his babbles into words, his words into phrases, and now he is talking in almost complete sentences–minus a few prepositions (once a teacher always a teacher)!!! I know I am bias, but I am pretty sure he is a baby genius! Hee hee hee, no but really it is just so amazing to watch his little mind grow and develop every single day. It sounds cliche, but his brain is like a little (or big) sponge and soaks up every ounce of information he sees and hears. It is a BLAST!

Every month for the first year, I would fill out the chalkboard and list all of highlights and milestones… number of teeth, height & weight, likes and dislikes, and favorite things. Fast forward to 2 years old… He has all his teeth and LOVES to eat!!! He is very lucky to have no allergies or food restrictions and he will try anything (unlike his picky momma). That makes taking him places super easy and a lot of fun. He also has developed a love of superheroes… Now that I think about it this should really come as no surprise–Guncle (Uncle Dan) bought him a batman onesie before he was even born and it was the first one he wore when I brought him home to California. Superhero Fridays began when he was 3 months old… Ironically, it was the Hulk onesie that got it all started. Every Friday, we dressed Riley in a different superhero onesie and took a picture. Hulk is hands down his very favorite superhero–so much so that he no longer calls the color green by its name. Anytime he sees anything green.. he says “hulk”…. There is a “hulk” car parked in front of the Ford Dealership in Daly City that my parents drive by for him to see all the time! We eat “hulk” melon (honeydew), “hulk” m&m’s, & “hulk” grapes, drink out of a “hulk” water bottle, and even “hulk” colored tablets for the bath! I joke with my family that when he goes to take a Kindergarten assessment and they ask him his colors, he will say HULK instead of green!!!

He has learned the names of all the other superheroes as well and this includes both Marvel and DC! In fact, his second birthday was Superhero themed and every guest got to wear a cape! He was very excited to watch his first episode of Sesame Street when he turned two and now LOVES to sit on the bean bag chair and watch Elmo in the evening. He can name all of the Sesame Street characters as well–and yes, Oscar the grouch is often called the “hulkie” one! Other loves of Riley include Target (he would go there everyday if he could), Pops from Starbucks, playing outside, and water! During my spring break, we took our first trip away since he was born. We spent a night in Hollister to celebrate my dad’s birthday and Riley went swimming for the first time. HE LOVED IT! We are going to start swimming lessons soon!!! I could go on about all the things my sweet boy loves… but if I was to capture it in one sentence, I would say, Riley LOVES LIFE! He brings joy and laughter to every day and teaches me everyday to live and enjoy every moment. I cannot imagine life without him and have said it before, but he is MY DREAM COME TRUE!

January 1, 2019January 1, 2019

Starting 2019 with Gratitude and Thanks

Riley loves helping Papa in his garden.
Gaga and Momma kisses!
Ri Ri loves his GUNCLE Dan!
Christmas Day 2018
Riley’s First Birthday Party with Tom and Nanny
The day Papa Joe met Riley
Adoption Day!

Today is the last day of 2018…. I am not one to make New Year’s Resolutions or promises that I am unsure I can keep. I think about the things I did well, and the things that could have gone better. I set goals and create my vision board for the upcoming year. But I do like to think back on the year and reflect on things that made me happy, sad, proud, and most of all the things that I am thankful for. It has been an emotional year with many ups and some very big downs. My sweet boy turned 19 months old the day after Christmas…. 2018 brought so many firsts—his first words (papa and momma), his first birthday (where we were surrounded by our closest family & friends), his first steps–which almost immediately turned into a run, his first trip to the zoo, his first time trying many new foods, and even our first trip to the emergency room (which turned out to be a GIANT overreaction by momma)! These are only a few of the many new and exciting things that Riley discovered over the last year. It is truly magical to watch his little mind take everything in and soak it all up! I am continually in awe of how much he develops and learns every day. Another highlight in 2018 was in April when Riley and I went to court to have our official adoption day in California! Although everything was final in North Carolina, there was a lot of paperwork and legalities that needed to be done in California as well. On April 20, everything was official and Riley was a Twomey forever! My family and best friends were there to share this special day with us. I have spent the last year trying to slow down and enjoy each minute, each milestone, each day as my baby grows quickly into a sweet little boy. He continues to bring joy and happiness wherever we go and his smile lights up an entire room. That smile really brought my family light and hope this year when things got a little tough. My grandfather, who we lovingly called Papa Joe, got very sick this year and spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital. Even when he was at home, he needed a lot of extra care and my amazing parents were the ones who provided this care. They juggled watching my sweet Riley every day, while at the same time taking my grandfather to appointments, picking up his prescriptions or groceries, visiting each day to make sure he took his medicine, and numerous late night trips to the ER. This was a lot on them both emotionally and physically. I would often offer to take a few days off or tell them how guilty I felt they were spending all of their time taking care of other people–and they would always assure me that Riley was the light in their life and it was helpful to be around him. We lost Papa Joe in late July as well as our cousin Patrick the very same night. Just before Thanksgiving, we lost another very special person in our lives. My godfather, Tom, lost his battle with cancer, and again, we were heartbroken. Tom (and his wife Nanny) was a very important part of my life, and was truly like family. Some of my favorite childhood memories are at their house, running up and down the hallways with one of their sons, or playing with the pots and pans in Nanny’s kitchen, or eating ravioli’s with Nanny’s homemade tomato sauce. We were so very sad to lose Tom and I am so thankful that he was able to attend Riley’s first birthday. It is at times like this when life really doesn’t make a lot of sense and doesn’t seem fair. It becomes harder to focus on the good things and smile when your heart is broken and the tears are falling. It was in those moments that I looked down at Riley’s sweet little face–and his smile looking up at me was all I needed to refocus my energy. It reminded me to live in the present and not waste one single moment with the people you love doing what you love most. It reminded me to count my blessings each and every day and tell the people in my life how much they mean to me. My grandfather, my cousin, and my godfather, lived their lives to the fullest and family meant everything to them. And though our lives will never be the same without them–I know their spirit will live on in each one of us. 2018 was also a year for a lot of personal and professional growth for me. With my first year of motherhood under my belt (and a baby that finally slept through the night), I felt like I was able to come up for air. I refocused my attention on my skincare business and grew my team. I started my blog, and even wrote the first draft of my first children’s book (still working on next steps). In the last few months, I have begun more personal development around self care and self love. I began reading audiobooks (Michelle Obama’s new book, Becoming, is my favorite), began practicing meditation & journaling again, as well as daily affirmations. I am an anxious person by nature and have always struggled with feeling like I am enough. Becoming a mom added a whole new dimension to this. I was now responsible for the health, happiness, and well-being of another person. I am constantly asking myself if I am doing what is best for my little guy and worrying about getting everything just right. Am I a perfect mom? Absolutely not. But I love that little boy more than anything and wake up each morning trying to be better than I was the day before! I take it one day at a time, and sometimes even just one hour at at time. I’ve also had to adjust my life as a teacher. I can no longer be the first one to arrive and the last one to leave. I don’t have time to prep and lesson plan at home and on the weekends–I spend that time with my Riley. This was quite an adjustment and I spent a lot of 2018 questioning myself–am I doing enough for my students? Am I a perfect teacher? Absolutely not. But I truly love what I do and come in every day excited to learn and grow with my students. I learn from my colleagues and try to be better then I was the day before. Another HUGE adjustment for me as a mom, has been my fitness routine. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am an avid exerciser. Before becoming a mom, I was at the gym every morning at 5 before work, and outside running on the weekends. Even on vacation, I make sure to find a way to get in my workout. As I mentioned before, I get a lot of anxiety and exercise helps with that a lot. Over the past year, I had to adjust to a new way of life. My amazing mother (a common thread in my posts is my family who I am forever thankful for) sleeps over 2 nights a week and my brother is off on Fridays, so I get in my morning workout 3 days a week. My dad comes over every Sunday morning to hang with Riley so I can get in a run around the neighborhood. That gives me 4 solid workouts a week. And this may seem like a lot–but I was used to 6-7 days and it took some time to get used to. I mention it here because over the last few months, I have really began to look at exercise and fitness in a whole new way. It used to sometimes feel like a chore–something I took for granted…I did not consider it a true workout unless I was at the gym–sweating like crazy for 60 minutes. And now I love nothing more then to take a walk around the neighborhood with Riley when I get home from work… and appreciate that I can move my body and enjoy time with him at the same time. It may sound silly, but it has been a huge personal achievement for me…and I owe a lot of it to Riley. The common thread throughout my reflection of the last year, is my sweet boy. He has changed my life in ways I never imagined. The love I have for him is indescribable–he makes my heart whole. He teaches me to appreciate the little things in life. To live in the moment and not worry about what is going to happen next. So as I sit here on the last evening of 2018, I feel thankful…thankful for 2 jobs I love, my health, my friends, and most of all my sweet Riley and my amazing family. I feel excited to begin another year! I may not have all the answers, but I will go into 2019 with a positive mind and love in my heart!

December 10, 2018December 25, 2018

The Elephant

Life has been a little chaotic for the past few months and I have not written in awhile. I have a very special student this year in first grade who needs a lot of extra support and 23 other students who also need a lot of support in various ways–academics, social emotional, and some even just basic needs. Since I am at work all day, I spend every waking moment I can with my guy when I get home… and if I’m being honest, often crash at night before 8:30 p.m.

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, my brother Dan did our Christmas photo shoot in the garage. Who needs JCPenney’s when your brother is a talented photographer! This will be the second Christmas for my sweet Riley and I. He is growing so fast and will be 19 months old at the end of the month. Time is flying by!!!! I didn’t think much of the fact that we had included the light up elephant in our photo until someone asked Dan at work about it. He had seen an elephant in a few pictures with Riley and asked what the significance of the elephant was. It was then that I realized just how symbolic the elephant had been throughout my journey to motherhood, and how much the symbol had evolved over the course of 5 years.

I have honestly always loved elephants–Dumbo, Horton, and even the elephants at the zoo–there was always something about them that struck a cord in my heart. When I began my journey to motherhood almost 5 years ago–I knew it would be a little more difficult as a single woman. At that time, I was living on a teacher’s salary, and was living in a 2 bedroom condo with my twin brother. I was obviously working full time and knew that childcare would be an added expense I may not be able to afford. I have always been a planner and make sure to have all my ducks in a row before I begin any venture. Becoming a mother was no different. I made a checklist of the things I needed to have in place before I could move forward. Here is a snapshot of that list:

Supplemental Income
Child care
Bigger house (my brother had made it clear that where we were living would be too small for 3 of us, and I could not afford to live on my own with a little one on the way)
Selling my condo (in order to look for a bigger house–which at that time we hoped to find a duplex, I needed to sell the condo I had purchased in 2008).
Finances to pay for sperm donor (which later turned into finances to pay for IVF, & then adoption–but on my initial list they were obviously not there)

This is just a snapshot of the things that I wrote down and then I began to check them off. It was right about this time, that my two life long friends introduced me to Rodan + Fields. At the time, I had no interest in selling skincare, but did know that I needed to have some form of supplemental income. 5 years later it was the best decision of my life and the reason I was able to afford the adoption process and stay home an extra 6 weeks with my sweet boy. I am lucky enough to have an incredible family who took care of item number 2! My retired parents told me that I would never have to worry about paying for any kind of childcare-they would be there for me every step of the way! I put my condo up on the market and it sold in 5 days for over the asking price. As I have mentioned before, we were unable to purchase a home of any kind in the crazy market, but we did find a 3 bedroom house in a quiet neighborhood to rent in (we are still on this street now). Beginning my skincare business and selling my condo took care of the financial part of the journey. So on paper I was ready! I had done all my homework, checked off all the boxes, and was ready!

Little did I know that unlike the other areas in my life–where studying, hard work, preparation, and determination led to success–fertility was a whole different journey. I found out quickly, that my rode to motherhood would not go as smoothly as I imagined it. The first road I went down was IUI–only to find out that I had a blocked fallopian tube and non responsive ovaries. It was at this time that my good friend, and fellow single momma, gifted me a ceramic elephant. She told me it was a symbol of fertility. WOW! WOW! WOW! No wonder I had felt a connection to this beautiful animal my entire life. All I had ever dreamed of was being a mom and my connection to the elephant made perfect sense! With IUI ruled out as an option—I began to research IVF. I found an amazing fertility doctor and acupuncturist who gave me so much hope! It was a long, emotional journey and that elephant sat right on my nightstand through the whole thing. I remember looking at it each night before I went to sleep and whispering a secret “please help me”…. Not only did the IVF attempt fail, I was also told that there was an 80% chance I would be unable to conceive on my own. My world felt like it was shattering around me. I felt like a failure and almost unfeminine. I felt angry and resentful. I came home that night after receiving the news, and put that ceramic elephant in a drawer–slamming it shut through tear filled eyes.

As you know, my journey did not end here. Although there was that 20% chance of being able to successfully conceive a child, I did a lot of self reflecting and decided I wanted to adopt. And after 3 emotional years, I finally received that call… I had been chosen! I have told that story in great detail in previous posts. I had only 2 weeks to prepare for the birth and did not know if the baby was a boy or a girl. When I explained to my first grade class why I would be leaving them a month early from the school year, one of the first questions was, “It is a boy or a girl?” I told them I did not know and that we would call the baby “Peanut Twomey”. It just came out of my mouth–and I am still unsure why or how. There were two amazing moms in my class who threw me a last minute baby shower and guess what the theme was? Elephants and peanuts filled my room–decorations, plates, napkins, cups–you name it, that elephant was back. And at the time, I didn’t think much of it. I created a “Baby Peanut” private Facebook group for my friends and family to follow our journey and the elephant symbol stuck. Riley’s coming home onesie said “Welcome home peanut” with a picture of an elephant and a peanut.

After arriving home, one of Riley’s first gifts was a stuffed elephant from my cousin Debbie. He loved it! A few weeks later, a dear friend came over with the Flappy the Elephant (Gund) that sings and moves to “Do your Ears Hang Low”. If he didn’t already love elephants, he sure did now! And I have given this gift to every new mother since! 18 months later, Riley still gets a huge smile on his face every time he sees it! And so it was, the elephant became a symbol of happiness and joy in our house.

When it came time to plan his first birthday… I of course went with elephants! My extremely talented friend painted him a HUGE Dumbo backdrop and I went with the Circus theme. Although my brother deemed it too cheesy and he wore it under his outfit at his party, I did go on Etsy and buy him a personalized elephant onesie for his big day! His smile lit up the park when he saw his Dumbo themed cake and backdrop. Every time he sees an elephant, he points and makes the sound my mom taught him that an elephant makes (I wish this had sound so you could hear–it’s priceless)! I went on a field trip with my class in October to the Oakland Zoo, and could not wait to visit the elephants! I even took video to come home and show Riley. As Halloween passed, and Christmas decorations began to fill the stores, it was an automatic when we passed the elephant at Target. Riley was beside himself and only after some careful negotiations did he allow us to put in on the porch. There was also no way it wasn’t going to be in our Christmas picture this year. But to be honest, I really didn’t think much about how this symbol had evolved over the past 5 years. It had gone from one of hope and faith, to one of suffering, loss, and devastation—and is now one of genuine love and happiness. As I have researched more about the symbolism of an elephant I found it is one of strength and good luck. When I look down at my sweet boy every night, I feel an overwhelming sense of strength and good fortune. And now when someone asks me what my favorite animal is… you can be sure I will answer an ELEPHANT!

October 11, 2018October 14, 2018

I Have a Dream

When I began the adoption process, one of the first things I had to do was complete a home study. I met with a social worker for an interview that lasted almost 2 hours. She asked me a lot of questions about my childhood, my adult life, my beliefs and parenting philosophies. It was a lot of information to give to someone who I had just met. I remember the day we sat down to meet so clearly–in particular one part of the interview that left me confused, anxious, and unsure of myself. She was asking me about the profile of the child that I wanted to adopt–gender, race, medical needs, etc…. My response was something like, “My dream is to be a mom… I don’t care if its a boy or a girl, and has green skin with purple polka dots”! Of course, this is not the answer that would go into the home study, but I made it very clear that I honestly had no preference on gender or race. My only concern (due to financial need) was the health of the baby. I wanted to make sure that I could provide any care that was needed–so that would need to be in my profile. After I gave my answer, the woman looked up at me and asked if I was sure I was open to a baby that was not the same race as me (caucasian). I told her I was 100% positive. She went on to question me about how I would provide life experiences for my child that exposed him/her to their culture and did I have people in my life of different races for my child to be around. She truly made me feel like I was inadequate to raise a child who was “different” than me. Little did she know—until I very clearly explained it to her—I am surrounded by people in my life of all different races, religions, and cultures. As a teacher, I have been so blessed to work with students and families from so many different backgrounds and stories. It is one of my favorite parts of teaching, and one of the main reasons I changed schools a few years ago. I really wanted to work with a more diverse community–and have learned so much the last 3 years. I truly honor and appreciate differences and strive to help my students love and appreciate not only each other, but their unique selves. Even after my long winded answer, I still had a sense that she felt I should check the white/caucasian box on my profile. I actually did revise my profile for a brief amount of time after that interview and changed my preferences to be at least 50% caucasian. She made me so nervous and unsure. I wanted to be sure that I provided the very best environment for my sweet baby and she made me doubt that I could do that.

A few months after I completed my home study, I was feeling frustrated that I was not being viewed my more birth mothers. I scheduled a call with my case worker at the adoption agency to talk about how things were going. We had been on the phone for a few minutes and then she brought up my profile and preferences. She told me that the reason my profile was not being given out to more birth mothers, was because my preferences were limited. I got a pit in my stomach right away. I was nervous to share about what the social worker had said to me during my home study and that I felt forced into setting these limiting preferences. I took a deep breath and told her the story. When I was finished (and after a few tears) she told me she was so glad she had asked me about it. She said that she was always very confused by the preferences I had checked because it was so contradictory to the rest of my profile and life story. It was such a wonderful day when I was able to confidently tell her to check “open to all”!!! My sweet baby Riley was born on May 26. His birth mother is caucasian and his birth father is African American. He is absolutely beautiful inside and out.

My home study experience has been on my mind a lot this week. Anytime we are out and Riley sees a child with a baby doll, he always wants to hold and cuddle it. I was so excited to take him to Target the other day and get him a baby doll of his own. I had quite the collection of Cabbage Patch kids growing up and nothing makes me happier then to take one off the shelf for my own child! I put him in the cart and off we went to the doll aisle. As I browsed the shelf I realized that almost every doll on the shelf had white skin. It struck me in that moment that I had never paid much attention to skin color of the dolls on the shelf before. When I was a kid, all my cabbage patch kids, barbies, or dolls of any kind had white skin just like me. When I really think about it, most of the picture books I remember reading in school also had children who had the same color skin as me. I flashed back to the conversation I had with that social worker. We are lucky enough to live in a diverse community and also have a very diverse circle of friends. Riley gets to interact with people from all different races, backgrounds, and family make-ups. I have never once worried that I am cheating him out of life experiences or exposure to his own culture. And then as I was standing in that aisle in Target, I began to look at the shelves with a new lens…as the mom of a bi-racial little boy. And my heart felt a little sad… I began to ask myself: Where are all the brown dolls, the black dolls, and the dolls that reflect the diverse world we live in? As I thought about it even more, where were the dolls who were born with abnormalities or missing limbs?

As I have mentioned many times, I teach my students to love the uniqueness that makes them who they are and to appreciate our differences. When I changed school districts 3 years ago and began teaching at the school I am at now—I began to view education and the world with a new lens. I have been able to walk in the shoes of children and families who face a much different reality then me. With the recent events in the world of politics, it’s been very eye opening and sometimes very disheartening to see how far we still have to go to be truly “open to all”. I am blessed to have some wonderful friends and colleagues in my life who are always researching, learning, and trying to make a difference. We empower our students to feel proud of themselves and respect and love each other. And I will raise my sweet boy to believe the very same things. My hope and my dream is that he will grow up in a world where he is judged by the content of his character and never by the color of his skin.

August 11, 2018August 11, 2018

Forming a Bond

A very good family friend sent this quote to me the night my sweet Riley was born. I had tears running down my face and onto the forehead of my sweet boy who was laying on my bare chest when I read the message. I always knew I wanted to be a mom, and had always envisioned that my child would grow inside of me. When I decided to adopt, I had no doubt in my mind that I would love this child with all my heart and soul… But there was a small little part of me that was so worried it would be harder to bond with my baby if he or she did not come from my womb. I remember sitting on the airplane feeling over the moon excited to meet my new baby–and still just couldn’t help but feel a little nervous as well. Questions continued to flood my brain as I made the long drive–and by this time I knew that a sweet baby boy was laying in that nursery. What if he cried when I held him? Would he look at me and see how much I loved him? Would I feel like his mom? Would we share the same bond that birth mothers have with their newborns? These are only a few of the many questions I asked myself over and over until I arrived.

The moment I pulled into the parking lot, the feeling in my gut changed… I was on my way to meet my son! MY SON! I was running at this point to get inside. When I got off the elevator and began walking down the hallway–I whispered over and over “here I come my sweet boy–momma’s here”. I could see him from the end of the hallway-laying there swaddled in his blanket with the little newborn beanie on his head. The moment I walked into the room and laid eyes on him, I can honestly say—it was love at first sight. The birth father let me pick him up right away. As I held him in my arms the first time, I leaned down close to his face, kissed him on the forehead and whispered, “I love you my sweet boy. You are my dream come true”. He looked right up at me and in that moment, I knew we were meant to be together. The universe truly had conspired to help us find each other and there was an instant bond.

I was also so very lucky to have some incredible nurses working on the floor the weekend Riley was born. They were very aware of the circumstances, and went out of their way to make sure our bonding time started right away. They let me have my own room, and began the skin to skin contact within an hour of me arriving. As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, he slept quietly on my chest–and I never felt happier. The only time I took him off my chest that night was to feed him or change him. They actually had to force me to lay him in his crib as I dosed off to be sure that everyone was safe. I did little to no sleeping that night, and just watched him sleep. We stayed in the hospital for 2 more nights and then moved to the hotel with my dad. Although living in a hotel with a newborn for a week was not the most ideal situation—it allowed for a lot of bonding time. Riley spent majority of his time being held by either my dad or I and slept right next to me every night. Looking back, it was such a special week and I feel so lucky to have had this time with him.

Since I am a teacher, and Riley was born at the end of May, it led right into my summer break. This left us another two months of bonding time. My school district does not offer paid maternity leave, and I found out the adoptive parents do not qualify for any disability since they did not actually give birth (I have lots more to say about that but will not here)… Under the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) I did qualify for up to 12 weeks to bond with my newborn child… however, as I mentioned before my district did not offer paid leave. I had to exhaust all of my sick time (10 days) and then received half-pay for whatever time I missed. This is a lot of the reason I started my skincare business 4 years ago. It allowed me to take 6 extra weeks with my sweet boy and receive half-pay at work. To be honest, I would have found a way no matter what. I knew this bonding time was so so important. I was able to spend every day at home with him until November 1 and cherished every minute. He was not the best sleeper (especially at night) so we spent a lot of time together. He spent a lot of the first 6 months crying and I continued to find ways to soothe and comfort him. The bond between us grew stronger and stronger every day.

I am sitting here on Friday night, after our second summer together, and have tears in my eyes. I love my sweet boy more than words can express and truly feel like I love him more each day. He is almost 15 months old and beginning to talk more and more. Every time he looks at me and says “Momma” my heart explodes. I am 100% positive that the universe conspired to bring us together.

This post started with a quote and I wanted to end with another quote from the children’s book The Giving Tree…. “and she loved a little boy very, very much, even more than she loved herself”.

July 22, 2018

Coming Home

This post needed multiple pictures! The first was taken at the boarding gate around 6:00 AM on Saturday morning at Raleigh airport. The alarm went off bright and early about 4:00 that morning.. although between waking up for feedings and the anxiety of traveling with a newborn– I don’t think either of us had slept much at all. My dad had booked the shuttle to be downstairs a little after 5 to make sure we left plenty of time for everything at the airport. There was no way we were going to miss that flight. Our hotel was less than a mile away from the airport, so it took no time at all to get there. We went to the check in desk and immediately people were turning and commenting on what a little guy we had. I was a little nervous about the check in process and we ended up with the sweetest lady! I had read that I may have to show my adoption paperwork and/or temporary birth certificate before being cleared… so I was ready with everything I needed. The minute I shared my brief story, her whole face filled with joy and she was nothing but kind and helpful. I had originally planned to take him out of the car seat (and check it in as baggage) and carry him in the Moby through the airport, but he was asleep. They told us we could bring the car seat onto the plane with us, and did not have to check it. My AMAZING dad (I can’t say that enough) carried him in the car seat through the security line and all the way to the gate! We sat down with plenty of time to spare (which is when we snuck in our selfie). My dad sat with little man while I went to get us coffee (much needed)! I had decided to put Riley in the Moby wrap before we got on the plane and keep him in there as long as possible. I was very nervous about germs, his ears, and pretty much anything else I could think of!!! Since we had an infant, we got to pre-board. I wrapped up my guy (who was asleep) and we boarded the plane. We had literally booked our flight about 12 hours before and got the last two seats–they were not next to each other. My dad was seated behind us. I had gotten a middle seat in between 2 men. OH was I nervous now–what if he screamed the whole way? What if I had to get up to change him or rock him? I was going to drive these men nuts! And my dad was behind me—ugh… I took a breath, and decided to ask the man on the aisle seat if he would be willing to trade seats with my dad. He agreed immediately and was so wonderful about it. The man in the window seat looked like he was in his mid 30’s and seemed friendly. I looked over and told him, “I promise we will do our best not to be annoying”. I could never have imagined a nicer human to be seated next to us! Not only did he tell me not to worry—we ended up chatting off and on the whole flight! I shared my story and he showed me pictures of his wife and son. We now follow each other on instagram and have stayed in touch. OK.. two problems solved… Now we just needed to get through take off, a 5 hour flight, the landing, and we were home (literally home) free….. MORE DEEP BREATHS….

There is not much to say about the flight besides, my sweet Riley is a CHAMP! He slept most of the way, and only woke up once or twice to eat. Not one tear the entire way and even let me change him in the airplane bathroom (which was not the easiest task but we did it). I had never been so excited to hear the captain say, “We have arrived in San Francisco. Thank you for flying with us”. WE MADE IT! WE WERE HOME!!!! I was finally going to get to bring my sweet boy home to meet his Gammy and Uncle Dan!

That takes us to the last two pictures… My mom picked us up from the airport, and when I did not see my brother in the car, I felt disappointed. I asked where he was and she said he had gone grocery shopping. Little did I know, that when we pulled up, he would be standing outside with his camera and these balloons hanging outside! We walked through the door and there was this sign he had made hanging in the living room. I cried again (as did everyone). The sign still hangs above the changing table in Riley’s room. We read it to him every time we changed his diaper for about 7 months!!! He will now often look up at it (actually stand and touch it) and say “Momma” and kiss the poster like my dad taught him to do when he was tiny. It melts my heart every time.

Riley was finally home. This was the moment I had been waiting for—and it truly was a dream come true.

July 20, 2018

Papa’s HERE!

I am not going to lie….. the first 24 hours were amazing and wonderful and truly “magical” (as cliche as that sounds), there was a part of me that was so sad my family could not be there with me. We had face timed, talked on the phone, and texted non stop the entire time, but it was just not the same. I left so suddenly on that Friday morning, I had to travel solo, and the next available flight did not get my dad there until Saturday morning. By the time he landed, rented his car, and made the drive to the hospital, it was about 8:30 Saturday night. I could not have been happier to see my Daddy and hand him his grandson! This picture is the first time my dad held Riley! We were both in tears of course.. but happy tears…my parents had dreamed of becoming grandparents just as much as I dreamed of becoming a mom. A dream come true for all!

When I left California, I figured that I would be in North Carolina until the baby was discharged and then stay a night or two in the hotel and fly back home. When the attorney came to sign all the paperwork on Saturday afternoon, he informed me that I could not cross state lines until all the paperwork was finalized in North Carolina, fed-exed (they could not fax or email) to California, read over and approved by California, and then a call would be made telling me we could fly home. It was also Memorial Day weekend and he said it could delay the process. When I asked how long it would be he said I should plan to be in North Carolina for up to 14 days…. WHAT?! I hardly had clothes (or diapers, or formula, or underwear) for 4 days since I left so frantically, and I knew my dad thought we were flying home in the next day or so. And now I was going to live with a newborn in a hotel for up to 2 weeks! ANXIETY overload again!….. BREATHE Shannon–one more bump–we got this! Motherhood is all about being flexible and rolling with the punches… and I was getting a crash course for sure! My dad is the epitome of calm, cool, and relaxed and always says “We gotta do what we gotta do”. He told me not to worry and we would get through it together! And we did just that!

My dad stayed at a hotel close by the hospital Saturday and Sunday night while I was still allowed to stay with Riley. I am a bit of a health nut (and a picky eater if I am being honest)… and so not only did my dad show up every morning with food, he even managed to make sure it was all things that I would eat at home. He also brought me a toothbrush, soap, and diet coke!!! All the essentials for the new momma! Most importantly, he brought me a sense of calm–and is why he is my hero always!

Monday morning we were discharged from the hospital and headed for the hotel my dad was staying at. The three of us would now be roomies until we got the call that we were clear to cross state lines. This may sound silly, but I was so excited when they said that they would bring a wheel chair to roll Riley and I out of the hospital!!!!! That is what I always see the moms do and I hopped right in! I even made my dad take a picture! Off we went!

I would be lying if I said I was not a little anxious and worried about caring for a newborn in a hotel for an unknown amount of time. But just like the rest of the journey–I had to roll with the punches and stay positive.I was also checking in with the attorney daily–and he said the earliest I could expect the call was Friday. I of course locked Friday in my brain as the day we would be leaving and had everything crossed it would happen! There was an issue at the hospital with the circumcision (long story but they could not do it)…. and so I had an appointment to have it done in a clinic that Thursday. We had an appointment to see the local pediatrician as well the same day. So that gave us something to do for one day, now we just needed to fill Monday-Wednesday and then home on Friday! What a plan!

We got back to the hotel and went up to our room to get settled. I set up my “nursery” for the next week. I found a place to keep diapers and wipes, set up a bottle & formula area, and laid out the travel baby bassinet I had stuffed into my suitcase. I had borrowed the Moby wrap from one of my best girlfriends and had visions (me and my visions) of carrying my baby all around in the wrap everywhere we went. I had even practiced using it before I left with a teddy bear and a youtube video so I would look like I knew what I was doing! We decided to take a little walk just down to the hotel lobby. I put on my Moby, put Riley on my chest, and we headed downstairs. We walked around a bit and found a place to sit and watch tv. My dad had a cup of coffee and I found my diet coke. My dad went and got us Subway for dinner, and we ate in the room, taking turns holding Riley. Although it wasn’t the ideal circumstances, we were making the best of it. For the next 2 days, we did a lot of the same… maybe an outing to Walmart, walks around the hotel, and Papa watching golf with a sleeping baby so I could go downstairs and get a quick workout in.The Warriors were in the play offs and my dad and I would attempt to watch each night. We kept the volume very quiet (or even on mute) and tried to turn Riley so that he would not see the light. Riley wanted no part of the travel bassinet and slept right next to me every night. He was up every 1-2 hours crying either to eat or because his tummy seemed to be bothering him (a struggle that went on for months). My dad jumped up every time to help! Needless to say there was not a lot of sleeping going on. But my dad was a trooper and the bond between him and Riley was growing already.

Thursday came faster then I expected. The three of us were actually enjoying our time together–even though we of course could not wait to get home. I had no idea what to expect at the appointment for the circumcision, and without going into too much detail–it was HORRIBLE! Not because of anything the doctors or nurses did wrong—just because I had to hold him down and it was quite traumatic. He was a CHAMP and although he screamed bloody murder the entire time, he calmed down right away when they were done and drank his bottle. We headed back to the hotel until our afternoon appointment with the pediatrician. That appointment was great! She said that he was perfectly healthy-he had not lost any weight, all his numbers were great and he was completely safe to travel. So now we had everything we needed and were just waiting on that call. I had continued to check in every day with the attorney (who I am pretty sure was hiding from me) and it looked like we were not going home on Friday. He said best case scenario–they would finish the paperwork by end of day Friday–but there was a chance we would need to wait until the following week (it all depended on how busy they were Friday in the office). We decided to check out of the hotel we were staying at and relocate to a hotel closer to the airport. This way we would be ready to go as soon as the call came through. So Friday morning, we got up early, checked out of our hotel, made a quick trip to Wal-mart and hit the road!

Riley slept the whole way there (and momma fell asleep too). We checked in and got settled. We had big hopes that we would get the call and be able to fly home Saturday. I had already looked up the flight and there was one leaving at 6:30 AM Saturday morning. My dad left the hotel about 3 to go and return the rental car. We were less than 5 miles away from the airport and would just take a shuttle to to get there. Almost as soon as he walked out the door, my phone rang. I looked down and recognized the number right away. IT WAS THE CALL! WE WERE GOING HOME!!!!! I called my dad on his cell phone the minute I hung up screaming with happiness!!! I then called my mom and my brother to tell them the news–we would be on the airplane tomorrow morning! I went online and booked our flight home. The flight was at 6:30 which meant we needed to leave the hotel by 5:15 to allow plenty of time to check in, go through security, and get on board! It had been a very special week with my sweet boy and my Daddy–but all three of us were ready to go home!