single parent - Worth my Wait

March 1, 2020

“Mikey” our unexpected MIRACLE

It has definitely been a while since my last post. TRUST me when I tell you that I have been waiting and waiting for the day that I could come on and SHARE our AMAZING news. But of course, the teacher in me wants to tell the story from the beginning…So… here it goes!

It was a Thursday afternoon in June 2019. I was sitting in my first grade classroom with my first grade team and the Kindergarten team. We were making plans for the 2020-2021 school year as the current year was coming to an end (waaaaaay later then everyone else I might add). My phone buzzed and when I looked down, I saw I was receiving a facebook message from Riley’s birth mom. I had sent her a picture from his second birthday a week or two before and figured she was replying to that message. As soon as I read her message, “What was the name of the adoption agency we used for Riley?”, I got butterflies in my stomach……I did not even need to ask the next question because I already knew the answer… but I wrote back anyway, “Why, are you pregnant?” She answered quickly that she was seven weeks pregnant and had decided not to keep the baby. She told me her and the birth father (the same biological father as Riley) would love nothing more then for me to adopt this baby as well. I suppose I felt much like a woman feels when she finds out she is pregnant and it was totally unplanned.

People had asked me many times if I thought Riley’s birth mom would ever get pregnant again and I honestly did not think so. I had given away most all of Riley’s newborn things, and thanked the universe daily for making my dream of becoming a mom come true. Riley is everything I ever dreamed of and so much more. He has brought more joy into my heart and soul and to our family then I could ever express in words. The funny thing is that after he turned a year old, I had started to feel a little sad that Riley did not have a sibling to grow up with. My twin brother, Dan, is my best friend and I can’t imagine life without him. I had recently been thinking about maybe looking into fostering to adopt. But there was a lot to consider when making that decision…. as a single mom, I needed to make sure that I had the finances to support two children. I also know that the foster to adopt journey can be very emotional and that children may come and go from our house. I had to consider how this would affect my sweet Riley. I also knew that it would be a lot for my family. I have been so blessed to have the unending support of my brother (who lives with us) and my mom and dad (who take care of Riley every day when I am at work). I could never ask or expect them to do the same for two children. Needless to say, I had not made any decisions as of that afternoon in June.

I read it again, “Yes, I am 7 weeks pregnant and due January 4″. You are our first choice to be the mother”. IN flowed the emotions… excitement, fear, surprise, worry, happiness, joy, nervousness…. I could go on and on… and I am not one to hide my emotions so everyone in the room quickly heard the news. Although I was flooded with feelings and emotion–I was positive in that moment the little angel growing inside her belly was meant to be with us. My subconscious (and my heart) took over as my fingers frantically typed YES YES YES! I was going to be a mom of two and RILEY WAS GOING TO BE A BIG BROTHER!!!!

This was much different then two years ago when I got the news about Riley. I did not get the call until May 9 and he was born on May 26, 2016. I had only a few weeks to prepare and everything happened very fast. She was only 7 weeks pregnant at this point…. and January felt so far away. So much could happen between now and then and I knew it was going to be an emotional journey. Even though I did not know what the future would bring, there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be that baby’s momma and I would do whatever it took to keep these two siblings together.

I wanted to be able to tell my family in person, so I waited until I got home that day to share the news. They were all a little (OK COMPLETELY) shocked and unsure how to react at first. All of their feelings stemmed from their love of both Riley and I. They wanted to make sure that I was not taking on more then I could handle, physically, emotionally, or financially. I also wanted them to know that I would never expect them to support 2 children and I the way they had for the last 2 and a half years. They have truly given their lives to us for which I am forever thankful. I know they were nervous, scared, and anxious, but they told me they would always be here to support me.

Since she was only 7 weeks pregnant, I was nervous to share the news with too many people. I wanted to wait until she was at least through her first trimester. Once again, I felt like a pregnant women must feel when she learns the exciting news and then has to wait to make sure everything is ok to share. It sounds silly, but I really felt like I was getting the true feeling mentally and emotionally of motherhood this time around. I must also say here, that although I will never be able to fully understand how it feels physically (or emotionally or mentally for that matter) to carry a baby for nine months, but I am forever thankful to the birth mom (and all birth moms) for their strength. Week 12 arrived and I could not keep the news to myself any longer. I would of course not post anything on social media until after the birth (or very close to it as it turned out), but I began to share with my circle of friends and family. Although the overwhelming response was happiness and excitement, I would be lying if I said that I did not receive any skepticism or questions. Most of this skepticism was around being a single mom of 2 children both under the age of 3. Some of the most common concerns and questions I heard were: “How will you afford 2?”, “Do you know how much work it is to have 2 children on your own?” “How will you afford day care?” I listened to each question and responded each time in a similar way… “I can’t tell you exactly how I will make it all work, but I can tell you I will”. There was never one doubt in my mind that this baby was coming home to live with us, and I was ready to do whatever I had to for my family.

The blessing of having so much time until the birth was being able to make plans. From the most basic plans of traveling to North Carolina (which is a lot of logistics by itself), to the more complex financial and career plans. Like I said earlier, the last two and a half years have been amazing–and I can’t imagine how I would have done it without my parents and my brother. However, I would never expect my parents to watch two children full time. I was also very sensitive to the fact that my brother is a morning news director and gets up every morning at 1:30 a.m. He has lost MANY hours of sleep over the last 2.5 years (and never complained once) and given ENDLESS support to both Riley and I. I told him right away that I understood if he felt like two little humans was too much and didn’t want to live together anymore. And so my research began… I priced different preschools for Riley, possible day care for new baby, a part-time nanny, or even a live in au pair (if my brother moved out). I calculated my current monthly expenses and then added on what I thought the extra expenses would be with the new little one. With my teaching salary, my Rodan + Fields business, and my new business in the financial industry (another stay at home business–more on that later), I was confident I could afford it on my own. We would live simply, but both of my children would live in a warm house, with warm clothes, food on the table, and more love then I could ever measure for the rest of their lives.

One of the things that I asked of the birth mom was to find out the gender of the baby. I had a lot of things left from when Riley was a baby and since I had so much time to prepare, I loved the idea of being able to get everything all set! It may sound silly, but since I could not carry the baby myself and was all the way across the country, it also made me feel a little more connected if I knew the gender. Birth mom said she was completely ok with that and gave me the date of her first ultrasound. I marked it in my calendar and counted down the days! She had a 9:00 am appointment on September 4….Since she is in North Carolina, this meant it would be 6:00 am in California. I waited and waited and waited for my phone to go off. Before I knew it, it was lunchtime at school and still no word. I finally heard from her later that day (she had forgotten her phone at home) and told me that they were not able to see the gender and she had to go back in a month. EEEEK! So I marked my calendar again and waited. To be totally honest, something inside of me really thought it was going to be a girl (as did many of my friends and family). There was another part of me that wondered if the next ultrasound would even be able to show the gender. 30 days felt like 100 and I continued to remain in a place of gratitude and thanks. That October morning came and I of course started checking my phone right at 6 am. I even texted birth mom at 5:30 am “Happy Gender Reveal Day!!! Can’t wait to hear”! I was on Fall Break and at a library with Riley and my parents for story time when I felt my phone buzz. “They were able to see the gender–are you ready LOL”…. I frantically typed back–“YES YES YES!!!” She replied, “You are officially a boy mom”! My heart exploded and I looked up at my parents and whispered “It’s a boy”! Riley was going to be a big brother AND to a baby boy!!! My brother was at work and was the next person I messaged. I will never forget his reply—I could feel his excitement coming through even on text (as silly as that sounds) and he even admitted feeling a little choked up. Although I had always envisioned having at least one daughter (and who knows what the future holds) I was over the moon with the blessing of raising two little boys.

I had already began to make a list of names even before I knew the gender. But honestly, I really only had one boy name that I was positive about. It was very important to me that Riley have my dad’s name, Patrick, as his middle name. My dad is an amazing man and it is important to me his name live on in Riley. Another very amazing man in our lives was my grandfather Joseph, or as we called him Papa Joe. He passed away almost 2 years ago and left us all a little bit of an inheritance. My parents handed me the check a few days after I found out about the second baby and I knew in that moment that my grandfather was supporting me through this process. “Joseph” is also my brother Dan’s middle name and it just seemed like a perfect fit. I have always loved the name “Mikey”. And so I had it, Michael Joseph Twomey, and we would call him Mikey He was my miracle… My MIKEY MIRACLE!

There is lots more to this story and the author in me wants to give each part of the story its own chapter…BUT I would never leave my readers hanging! So I am going to fast forward a bit. Riley, Dan, and I traveled to North Carolina on January 2 to await the birth of our little man. Mikey was born on January 15, 2020 at 5:45 p.m. in North Carolina–11 days late (another post altogether)! He was 21.5 inches and 8 lbs 4 ounces. I was able to be in the room for the delivery and cut the cord. Mikey and I were given our own room and were skin to skin within minutes. It truly was love at first sight and I cried tears of joy the moment I held him in my arms. Riley and Uncle Dan were there with us a few hours later. One of the most amazing moments happened when they arrived. Mikey had been asleep on me for almost 2 hours and had not opened his eyes much at all before they got there. The minute Riley walked over to the bassinet and talked, Mikey’s eyes opened up wide. They stared at each other in a way that I can’t express in words. Both Dan and I could see they knew they were brothers. Their connection was instant and magical.

We lived in North Carolina for a week after his birth and then we all traveled home to meet Gaga and Papa. Again, more details to follow in later posts. We are home and adjusting to our new life together. Riley is an AMAZING big brother and my parents and brother have been simply INCREDIBLE once again. I am going to take the rest of the school year off to be home with my two boys and am overcome with feelings of gratitude and thanks. I would like to end for now, by sharing a few pictures–but I assure you there are many more on the way along with more details about our journey together! DREAMS DO COME TRUE!!!!

November 3, 2019

Our Papa

I will start this post by saying that my Dad is GOING TO KILL me for an entire post dedicated to him—but that will not stop me and it is a MUCH deserved post. He is a very humble man and does not like a lot of praise or attention. He prefers to fly under the radar supporting his family and friends in any way he can. However, I would like to tell you all about the rock of our family–I call him Daddy Mac and sweet Riley calls him PAPA!

Anyone that knows me knows that my dad is my hero and ANYONE who knows my dad agrees that he is truly an incredible man! I had the honor of working at the company my dad worked at for about 5 years and was always in awe of how well respected and admired he was. Anytime I would introduce myself and say my last name–the first words out of people’s mouths were “You’re Pat Twomey’s daughter?! He is the man”! I still keep in touch with many of the people we used to work with and to this day–they tell me what a great man he is and how much they loved working with him. I smile every time and always pass on their well wishes. I am proud to be Pat Twomey’s daughter!

Growing up, my dad worked long hours so my mom could be home with us. I remember looking out the window waiting for him to get home and being so excited when he walked through the door. When we were little kids, he often had the weekends off. Saturday mornings, we would get up to watch the Smurfs on the couch, while my dad made us a BIG breakfast–friend potatoes (which to this day nobody makes better than him), SPAM (I loved it), eggs, bacon, sausage, the works! On Sundays for a few years my mom worked at Candlestick park during football season and we would stay home with my dad and watch the game. He would take us for ice cream at half time and we looked forward to it every weekend.

As I got older, even with his 60-80 hour work weeks, my dad still managed to coach our girls basketball team from 4th-8th grade. And we only got more difficult as we grew up and discovered things like hair, make-up, and boys! The girls all loved my dad and many of them are still my closest friends. We often talk about the wonderful memories on Mr. Twomey’s basketball team! I am not even sure I realized then what a self less man my dad was. I just knew he was my dad and l loved him to pieces. I was for sure a Daddy’s Girl!

In high school, we went on a senior retreat before graduation and spent an entire day reflecting on people in your life who have been your biggest support and cheerleader. Of course my mom, my dad, and brother, are my biggest supporters and are always the first ones who come to mind. We were asked to choose one person and a song that reflected what this person was to you. I chose my dad and the song “The Wind Beneath My Wings”. My dad has been the wind beneath my wings since day 1….. and every time I hear that song, I think of my dad.

May 26, 2017 was the day my dream came true–I became a mom and my life was changed forever. I have told my story on this blog already–but once again, my dad, my rock, was on the first plane to North Carolina to be with Riley and I the minute I called their house. I was by myself for almost 24 hours at the hospital and will never forget the feeling of relief when I saw my dad walk through the door. I will also never forget the first time he held Riley (picture above). It was love at first sight for both of them!The three of us lived in a hotel for 8 days–and my dad carried that carseat everywhere we went–and drove us all around Roanoke Rapids for appointments, food, trips to Wal-Mart, and anything else we needed. We got very little sleep and every time Riley woke up screaming in the middle of the night, my dad jumped up to help change his diaper and warm up a new bottle. He even let me go to the hotel gym to get in a few workouts while we were there and made sure I had all the foods that made me happy. He never once complained and we actually had a blast together.

The last two years have been an incredible journey. And although this post is dedicated to my dad, I can not write it without also saying how amazing and supportive both my mom and brother have been always. I am a very lucky girl and Riley has been showered in love by all three of them the last 2 and a half years. My parents watch him every single day at my house when I am at work… and on the mornings my dad comes first, he arrives at 6:30 with Starbucks for me to drink on my way to work. Every Sunday morning since the day we came home, my dad has come over so that I can go for a run around the neighborhood. He and Riley play together and then go to Starbucks to get momma coffee while I shower and make cookies. They go to the same spot every weekend and get a pop and a pouch (or sometimes two) and have a very special routine. We look forward to our Sundays with Papa every weekend!

This brings me to the core reason for this post. It turns out that for the last 2 years, my dad has been in pain-and it has continued to intensify and get worse. I had NO IDEA until about a year ago that anything was wrong.. and this is because he never complains or says a word. Since I know he will read this post, I will not go into great detail–but this past week he had to have a major back surgery. He was in surgery for almost 6 hours and has been told it will be a long recovery. I had to find alternative care for Riley for the month of November as my mom will be with my dad while he recovers. My dad has continued to apologize to us and and has been so worried about how all of this will affect our lives. I am happy to report that he came through surgery like a champ and arrived home today! He was up and walking within 24 hours and the doctor gave him rave reviews! He is truly such a ROCKSTAR and has had an amazing attitude through the whole thing. This would have been the longest that his “little man” (that is what my dad calls Riley) and him would go without seeing each other–so we went to the hospital every day to visit! Today is Sunday… Riley woke up and while eating breakfast he asked me if Papa was coming so momma could go run. I told him that Papa was still resting from getting his “owie” fixed but we could go see him. And that is just what we did. Momma did her best to recreate Sunday morning–I took him to Starbucks and we got a pouch and a blueberry muffin–but it was of course just not the same without Papa. We will continue to visit every day and want our Papa to take this time to heal and rest. He spends all of his time taking care of all of us, and now we get to take care of him.

I was laying in my bed last night thinking about the high school retreat and the song I chose… “The Wind Beneath My Wings”. I then remembered that my dad often calls Riley his “Wing Man”… I smiled as I went to sleep. WE are truly the luckiest in the whole world and we love you PAPA so very much! I know you will be the first one to read this and send me an email, “Great Post Kiddo” as you always do! LOVE YOU!

October 19, 2019

Fall Break with my boy

I am sitting here watching my little man fast asleep during nap time… and just finished my daily meditation focused on appreciation. I found myself reflecting and journaling a lot about the last 2 weeks I have been able to spend with Riley. My school district is on a modified year round schedule and we have a two week break in October. Although I do not like a shorter summer, I am so thankful for this bonus time with my boy in October.

I could not write this post without first mentioning the amazing and unending support and love of my family. Riley is so very lucky (as am I) to have his Gaga and Papa watch him every day when I am at work full time. Even when I am on break, they are still there to help and for that I am so appreciative. Riley went to their house every morning for breakfast–and not just any old breakfast–home made GOODNESS–ranging from french toast, to scrambled eggs and cheese, even a breakfast quesadilla one day! He loves his Papa Toast (toast with cheese and butter–but Gaga has to eat off all the crust) and gets very excited to be with them every morning. Mama gets to go to the gym, listen to my latest audio book (Super Attractor) and get in some work for my at home businesses. I am blessed to have my skincare business and was able to do some in person skin consultations as well as some coaching and mentoring of team members. I also just started a new endeavor working with families to build financial literacy and is has been so rewarding. I was able to sit down with some people and help them set up their finances for the rest of their lives…. something I never imagined I would be doing but truly love it! A few hours of work and my Riley was back to momma by 11ish! We ate our lunch together and played until nap time. Mama spent most nap times checking back in on the business or other BORING ADULT activities waiting for my partner in crime to wake up!!! I mentioned in my last post about how his little mind is developing faster then I can keep up with. He is just about two and a half and very verbal. He has quite a little mind of his own and a big personality. It is a BLAST to hang out with him!

Ever since the Halloween decorations were out in stores (which I must remind you was in August in some places), Riley has been celebrating. We made daily visits to the “pop up boo store” as he calls the Halloween store, as well as Colma and Westlake Home Depot–and yes, he does actually say “Colma” or “Westlake” when he asks to visit one. We often visit these stores in costume. Even though Riley is 100% positive that him, Guncle, and I will all be dressed up as Hulkie (we have matching hooded sweatshirts) on Halloween, we have somehow managed to accumulate Buzz Lightyear, Captain America, Black Panther, Darth Vader, and Owl-ette (PJ Masks character) costumes as well as other various ears, wings, and masks on any given day. HE ABSOLUTELY LOVES Halloween and everything about it. He loves nothing more then to put on his costume and pretend to be whatever the character of the day (or hour) is. We are definitely getting our use out of each and every one and he looks ADORABLE in every one!

We spent a large part of the last two weeks just walking around the neighborhood looking at all the “boos”. We live in a wonderful neighborhood where Riley is very well known… and he is often handed a little piece of candy along our walk–and always given a high five or a big smile! We have become so close with a few of our neighbors he even calls them Auntie or Uncle and they invite us in whenever they see us. The other night we got home, and our neighbor across the street (who adores Riley) saw us pull up. He had just finished decorating the whole front lawn with blow up Halloween figures and other seasonal fun. Of course, Riley raced over there the minute we got out of the car and was running straight for the lawn. The neighbors around here take GREAT PRIDE in their front lawns and I cringe every time he tries to walk on them. My neighbor, quickly looked at me and said, “It’s fine, let him play–he loves it” as Riley not only ran across his lawn, but proceeded to embrace the giant skeleton in a hug! And it did not stop there. My neighbor sent him home with Halloween things to hang on our bushes, plastic pumpkins for trick or treating, and a wooden Happy Halloween sign to put in his room. This same neighbor gave him his very own tomato plant right off his front porch a few weeks ago because he thought it would be so fun for him. This morning we were outside riding his bike (yes, he is almost doing it by himself–eeek) and he saw another neighbor working on his car. He is very curious and loves to look through a tool chest or bag. I went to stop him and my neighbor stopped me and said, “Riley want to help me with my car? You can get a screwdriver”. The smile that emerged on his little face as he emptied out the whole tool bad said it all! He was absolutely thrilled and had a blast! I could go on forever with stories about the wonderful people we are surrounded by. Riley and I feel so very safe and loved and could not be more appreciative to live on our street.

And it would not be a vacation without a few fun adventures! We visited Lemos Farm in Half Moon Bay with Guncle and Auntie Nicole! This was our first visit to a true “pumpkin farm” setting. Riley hated the car and was a rough traveler for the first year or so, and I was always too nervous to try the Half Moon Bay trip. HE LOVED EVERY SECOND! He got to ride a pony for the first time (which made momma, auntie more nervous then him), feed the goats, tromp around in pumpkins, walk through the haunted house with Guncle, eat popcorn and a hulkie cookie, and ended his trip with a “Happy Mimi” (Happy Meal) from McDonald’s. Ironically, we did not come home with an actual pumpkin-but we did however get a DELICIOUS loaf of pumpkin bread.

This last week, we visited Guncle at work! He works at KRON 4 and this was Riley’s 3rd trip to see him. He was OVER THE MOON excited and had a blast running all over the set, sliding on the curved wall, and even got to sit at the anchor desk with James Fletcher! The people at KRON are always so patient and friendly as my busy and curious little man races around touching everything. It is a good thing we visit when the newscast is over!!!!

One of my favorite parts of being on break is catching up with friends who I do not get to see very often with busy schedules. We spent time with my best friend and her two kids (who Riley adores) at the park as well as some other very special people in my life. I have been teaching for 15 years, and am happy to say that I am still in touch with so many of the families. Just over the last 2 weeks, I have seen 4 of the families whose children I taught at some point. 3 of the girls are now in college–and have grown into amazing women. It brings my heart such joy to see them shower my Riley with love. I have said many times that my students have always been like children to me, so to see them interact with him is something I can’t put into words. One of these sweet girls will be watching Riley 2 days a week in November. My father has to have a surgery (he is ok) and my parents will not be able to watch him for a month as my dad recovers. I was so anxious because I have never had anyone but family watch Riley and reached out to Hannah and her family. They literally replied within minutes and said they were here to help in any way they could! I am again at a loss for words on how to express my appreciation and gratitude.

So now as I sit here on Saturday afternoon—and my Fall break is coming to an end, I could choose to feel angry and disappointed that I have to go back to work. However, that would serve no purpose. I spent a lot of time over this break focusing on personal development as well, and choose happiness and joy always. I feel so lucky to have had these two weeks with my sweet boy–who has truly grown into a little boy–and now so appreciative to go back to a job I love with colleagues who I love and appreciate. I get to drive to work each day knowing that Riley is in the best hands possible and being showered with love and laughter while I am away. So yes, Monday morning will be a little hard—but I will go to bed Sunday night with a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart.

October 11, 2019

My boy is growing

Yes, you probably guessed it! I am on Fall Break. I was looking back at the last post and it was on summer break. Once I get into my full time teacher mode, most of the writing I do is lesson plans, curriculum and professional development… although I did just start my very own newsletter and feel very excited about that. I have also taken up meditation and daily journaling. Needless to say, I love to write and wanted to share some updates on Riley and momma’s journey through life.

We are definitely 2!!!! I often hear a lot of negative connotations associated with this age- “the terrible 2’s” being the most frequent. I would be lying if I told you that some new challenging behaviors have not arisen–or moments when I needed to count to ten (or twenty or sometimes even higher)!!! But I am truly loving every minute of this stage of his life and continue to be in awe of how much his little brain is developing.

The “teacher” in me is always observing, watching, and trying to learn more. I did not let him watch any television until he was two years old. We spent our time playing, reading, and singing. I can say that “Eat, Play, Sing (and Read) does change everything! He is very verbal and already communicating in 3-4 word sentences. He knows all the superheroes, Toy Story, Sesame Street, Paw Patrol, and PJ Masks (a new one for me) characters without ever having watched any of them on TV. It has been so incredible to watch him go from looking at the pictures in the book, to pointing to the pictures, to naming the characters as he points, and now he is pretending to be the characters himself. I can sit and just watch him for hours (although let’s be honest-his attention span is about 5-6 minutes if I am lucky on any one activity). There are songs that we have been singing to him every day since he was a baby–and now he will sing a long or lay in his crib and sing to himself when he wakes up. There is NOTHING BETTER then driving in the car and hearing “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star….” being sung in the back seat… or being serenaded during bath time with “Head Shoulders, Knees and Toes”. My mom has even taught him her old Balboa High school cheer and he LOVES to tease Guncle with it whenever possible. I could go on and on with example after example of the ways this little man brings a smile to my face every day and fills my heart with joy.

I have been very honest from the beginning that Riley has quite a temperament and that is still true. It is genetic and not something that will change. As he has moved into this “toddler” phase of life–his temperament has also began to show itself in different ways. When he is happy he IS BLISSFULLY happy and can laugh and be silly and emulate joy. When he is angry–that pendulum swings the opposite direction and he can do a complete 360 in an instant. The mom and teacher in me wanted to really find the best way to support him through all of this. I spent my entire summer studying the brain and in particular the brain of a child. I highly recommend the book “No Drama Discipline” https://www.amazon.com/No-Drama-Discipline-Whole-Brain-Nurture-Developing/dp/034554806X or the “The Whole Brain Child”, both written by Daniel Siegel. I have learned so much about why behaviors and reactions look the way they do, and many times–it is all about his developing brain. When I first started reading the book, I laughed when I read that you should look forward to meltdowns–they are a time to learn more about your child, develop a stronger emotional connection, and begin to teach his developing brain how to handle different situations. Never in a million years did I think that a tantrum would HELP in any way!!!! But I am here to tell you–it has been an incredible way to learn more about my sweet boy and we have made huge strides in his behavior and overall response to different situations. Now all I want to do is go out and help other families implement these same strategies! I am using them in my classroom with my first graders and also seeing huge growth.

It is all about connecting before correcting and understanding that sometimes the part of the brain the child needs to handle a given situation or make a choice has not fully developed. There are great examples of things you can do to help them develop those skills even from as young as two years old. A few examples… Riley went through a phase where he was “hulk smashing” people in the face. My immediate reaction would initially have been to yell “No” and “Don’t hit people”. After reading the book, the first time he hit someone again with the Hulk-I had a different reaction. My brother and him were playing and Riley hit Dan with Hulk and said “HULK SMASH”… He laughed and did it again. I heard Dan say “OW” very loudly and came out. Instead of yelling from across the room and telling Riley to stop… I walked over, sat down next to him and said, “I heard Guncle say ow… it looks like he feels sad.” Riley smiled at first and kind of laughed and raised Hulk up to do it again. I blocked Hulk and said again, “Oh it really looks like Guncle feels sad when you hit him, don’t you think?” Riley did not say much, but I could see on his face that he was beginning to understand a bit. It took a few more times and he has for the most part stopped hitting with Hulk. He is developing a sense of empathy even from this very young age, and his brain is growing and developing the skills it needs to make the right choice. Another example–more specifically around a tantrum situation. The word “no” can be very triggering for children and I read a lot in the book about how to connect and redirect before you try to do anything else. One morning, Riley really wanted to have “hulky pretzel” (which is a key lime flavored colored pretzel in non super hero words) for breakfast. He began to scream and cry when I told him that we were not going to have that for breakfast and that he could choose pancakes or a Mickey Waffle or eggs (all amazing choices in my opinion). He continued to insist “I want hulky pretzel now” and was getting more and more upset. Before reading the book, I may have just said, Well you can’t have that now and just ignored the tantrum. What I learned was that he is so upset in the moment, and is reacting from the lower “fight or flight” part of his brain and the right emotional side. The left side of his brain (and more logical one) is not developed enough to truly understand much more then he was just told no and isn’t happy. So again, I got down to his level took him on my lap, and said, “Oh big boy, you feel so sad ha?” He said, “YES I want hulky pretzel now momma”. I continued to hug him and said “I know you are so sad and momma loves you. I don’t want you to feel sad. We are going to have something very special for breakfast and save your hulky preztel in a special place for after lunch! Do you want to help me hide it”? First, I connected and made him feel loved and supported when he was feeling upset… Then, redirected with a game of hiding the hulky pretzel and letting him “help” with making breakfast. Once we had hidden the pretzel and he was eating breakfast (and was much calmer with level blood sugar) I asked him again…. “Silly goose, do we eat Hulky Pretzels for breakfast”? He made a silly face and said “yes momma” at first and then hid his face… But then looked at me and said “No momma, Hulky after lunch”. This boy doesn’t miss a beat and remembered exactly when he got to eat that pretzel!

I share these stories just to show that this parenting stuff is not always easy–but it is an amazing journey. I continue to learn so much from this little boy on a daily basis, not only about him, but about myself and am truly just so thankful!

It sounds cliche, but I waited my whole life to be a mom and now I am living that dream and trying to soak up every minute. I am so thankful to my brother and my parents for jumping on board with me as I navigate through these new strategies, and truly feel so proud of the kind little boy Riley is growing up to be!

January 1, 2019January 1, 2019

Starting 2019 with Gratitude and Thanks

Riley loves helping Papa in his garden.
Gaga and Momma kisses!
Ri Ri loves his GUNCLE Dan!
Christmas Day 2018
Riley’s First Birthday Party with Tom and Nanny
The day Papa Joe met Riley
Adoption Day!

Today is the last day of 2018…. I am not one to make New Year’s Resolutions or promises that I am unsure I can keep. I think about the things I did well, and the things that could have gone better. I set goals and create my vision board for the upcoming year. But I do like to think back on the year and reflect on things that made me happy, sad, proud, and most of all the things that I am thankful for. It has been an emotional year with many ups and some very big downs. My sweet boy turned 19 months old the day after Christmas…. 2018 brought so many firsts—his first words (papa and momma), his first birthday (where we were surrounded by our closest family & friends), his first steps–which almost immediately turned into a run, his first trip to the zoo, his first time trying many new foods, and even our first trip to the emergency room (which turned out to be a GIANT overreaction by momma)! These are only a few of the many new and exciting things that Riley discovered over the last year. It is truly magical to watch his little mind take everything in and soak it all up! I am continually in awe of how much he develops and learns every day. Another highlight in 2018 was in April when Riley and I went to court to have our official adoption day in California! Although everything was final in North Carolina, there was a lot of paperwork and legalities that needed to be done in California as well. On April 20, everything was official and Riley was a Twomey forever! My family and best friends were there to share this special day with us. I have spent the last year trying to slow down and enjoy each minute, each milestone, each day as my baby grows quickly into a sweet little boy. He continues to bring joy and happiness wherever we go and his smile lights up an entire room. That smile really brought my family light and hope this year when things got a little tough. My grandfather, who we lovingly called Papa Joe, got very sick this year and spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital. Even when he was at home, he needed a lot of extra care and my amazing parents were the ones who provided this care. They juggled watching my sweet Riley every day, while at the same time taking my grandfather to appointments, picking up his prescriptions or groceries, visiting each day to make sure he took his medicine, and numerous late night trips to the ER. This was a lot on them both emotionally and physically. I would often offer to take a few days off or tell them how guilty I felt they were spending all of their time taking care of other people–and they would always assure me that Riley was the light in their life and it was helpful to be around him. We lost Papa Joe in late July as well as our cousin Patrick the very same night. Just before Thanksgiving, we lost another very special person in our lives. My godfather, Tom, lost his battle with cancer, and again, we were heartbroken. Tom (and his wife Nanny) was a very important part of my life, and was truly like family. Some of my favorite childhood memories are at their house, running up and down the hallways with one of their sons, or playing with the pots and pans in Nanny’s kitchen, or eating ravioli’s with Nanny’s homemade tomato sauce. We were so very sad to lose Tom and I am so thankful that he was able to attend Riley’s first birthday. It is at times like this when life really doesn’t make a lot of sense and doesn’t seem fair. It becomes harder to focus on the good things and smile when your heart is broken and the tears are falling. It was in those moments that I looked down at Riley’s sweet little face–and his smile looking up at me was all I needed to refocus my energy. It reminded me to live in the present and not waste one single moment with the people you love doing what you love most. It reminded me to count my blessings each and every day and tell the people in my life how much they mean to me. My grandfather, my cousin, and my godfather, lived their lives to the fullest and family meant everything to them. And though our lives will never be the same without them–I know their spirit will live on in each one of us. 2018 was also a year for a lot of personal and professional growth for me. With my first year of motherhood under my belt (and a baby that finally slept through the night), I felt like I was able to come up for air. I refocused my attention on my skincare business and grew my team. I started my blog, and even wrote the first draft of my first children’s book (still working on next steps). In the last few months, I have begun more personal development around self care and self love. I began reading audiobooks (Michelle Obama’s new book, Becoming, is my favorite), began practicing meditation & journaling again, as well as daily affirmations. I am an anxious person by nature and have always struggled with feeling like I am enough. Becoming a mom added a whole new dimension to this. I was now responsible for the health, happiness, and well-being of another person. I am constantly asking myself if I am doing what is best for my little guy and worrying about getting everything just right. Am I a perfect mom? Absolutely not. But I love that little boy more than anything and wake up each morning trying to be better than I was the day before! I take it one day at a time, and sometimes even just one hour at at time. I’ve also had to adjust my life as a teacher. I can no longer be the first one to arrive and the last one to leave. I don’t have time to prep and lesson plan at home and on the weekends–I spend that time with my Riley. This was quite an adjustment and I spent a lot of 2018 questioning myself–am I doing enough for my students? Am I a perfect teacher? Absolutely not. But I truly love what I do and come in every day excited to learn and grow with my students. I learn from my colleagues and try to be better then I was the day before. Another HUGE adjustment for me as a mom, has been my fitness routine. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am an avid exerciser. Before becoming a mom, I was at the gym every morning at 5 before work, and outside running on the weekends. Even on vacation, I make sure to find a way to get in my workout. As I mentioned before, I get a lot of anxiety and exercise helps with that a lot. Over the past year, I had to adjust to a new way of life. My amazing mother (a common thread in my posts is my family who I am forever thankful for) sleeps over 2 nights a week and my brother is off on Fridays, so I get in my morning workout 3 days a week. My dad comes over every Sunday morning to hang with Riley so I can get in a run around the neighborhood. That gives me 4 solid workouts a week. And this may seem like a lot–but I was used to 6-7 days and it took some time to get used to. I mention it here because over the last few months, I have really began to look at exercise and fitness in a whole new way. It used to sometimes feel like a chore–something I took for granted…I did not consider it a true workout unless I was at the gym–sweating like crazy for 60 minutes. And now I love nothing more then to take a walk around the neighborhood with Riley when I get home from work… and appreciate that I can move my body and enjoy time with him at the same time. It may sound silly, but it has been a huge personal achievement for me…and I owe a lot of it to Riley. The common thread throughout my reflection of the last year, is my sweet boy. He has changed my life in ways I never imagined. The love I have for him is indescribable–he makes my heart whole. He teaches me to appreciate the little things in life. To live in the moment and not worry about what is going to happen next. So as I sit here on the last evening of 2018, I feel thankful…thankful for 2 jobs I love, my health, my friends, and most of all my sweet Riley and my amazing family. I feel excited to begin another year! I may not have all the answers, but I will go into 2019 with a positive mind and love in my heart!

December 10, 2018December 25, 2018

The Elephant

Life has been a little chaotic for the past few months and I have not written in awhile. I have a very special student this year in first grade who needs a lot of extra support and 23 other students who also need a lot of support in various ways–academics, social emotional, and some even just basic needs. Since I am at work all day, I spend every waking moment I can with my guy when I get home… and if I’m being honest, often crash at night before 8:30 p.m.

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, my brother Dan did our Christmas photo shoot in the garage. Who needs JCPenney’s when your brother is a talented photographer! This will be the second Christmas for my sweet Riley and I. He is growing so fast and will be 19 months old at the end of the month. Time is flying by!!!! I didn’t think much of the fact that we had included the light up elephant in our photo until someone asked Dan at work about it. He had seen an elephant in a few pictures with Riley and asked what the significance of the elephant was. It was then that I realized just how symbolic the elephant had been throughout my journey to motherhood, and how much the symbol had evolved over the course of 5 years.

I have honestly always loved elephants–Dumbo, Horton, and even the elephants at the zoo–there was always something about them that struck a cord in my heart. When I began my journey to motherhood almost 5 years ago–I knew it would be a little more difficult as a single woman. At that time, I was living on a teacher’s salary, and was living in a 2 bedroom condo with my twin brother. I was obviously working full time and knew that childcare would be an added expense I may not be able to afford. I have always been a planner and make sure to have all my ducks in a row before I begin any venture. Becoming a mother was no different. I made a checklist of the things I needed to have in place before I could move forward. Here is a snapshot of that list:

Supplemental Income
Child care
Bigger house (my brother had made it clear that where we were living would be too small for 3 of us, and I could not afford to live on my own with a little one on the way)
Selling my condo (in order to look for a bigger house–which at that time we hoped to find a duplex, I needed to sell the condo I had purchased in 2008).
Finances to pay for sperm donor (which later turned into finances to pay for IVF, & then adoption–but on my initial list they were obviously not there)

This is just a snapshot of the things that I wrote down and then I began to check them off. It was right about this time, that my two life long friends introduced me to Rodan + Fields. At the time, I had no interest in selling skincare, but did know that I needed to have some form of supplemental income. 5 years later it was the best decision of my life and the reason I was able to afford the adoption process and stay home an extra 6 weeks with my sweet boy. I am lucky enough to have an incredible family who took care of item number 2! My retired parents told me that I would never have to worry about paying for any kind of childcare-they would be there for me every step of the way! I put my condo up on the market and it sold in 5 days for over the asking price. As I have mentioned before, we were unable to purchase a home of any kind in the crazy market, but we did find a 3 bedroom house in a quiet neighborhood to rent in (we are still on this street now). Beginning my skincare business and selling my condo took care of the financial part of the journey. So on paper I was ready! I had done all my homework, checked off all the boxes, and was ready!

Little did I know that unlike the other areas in my life–where studying, hard work, preparation, and determination led to success–fertility was a whole different journey. I found out quickly, that my rode to motherhood would not go as smoothly as I imagined it. The first road I went down was IUI–only to find out that I had a blocked fallopian tube and non responsive ovaries. It was at this time that my good friend, and fellow single momma, gifted me a ceramic elephant. She told me it was a symbol of fertility. WOW! WOW! WOW! No wonder I had felt a connection to this beautiful animal my entire life. All I had ever dreamed of was being a mom and my connection to the elephant made perfect sense! With IUI ruled out as an option—I began to research IVF. I found an amazing fertility doctor and acupuncturist who gave me so much hope! It was a long, emotional journey and that elephant sat right on my nightstand through the whole thing. I remember looking at it each night before I went to sleep and whispering a secret “please help me”…. Not only did the IVF attempt fail, I was also told that there was an 80% chance I would be unable to conceive on my own. My world felt like it was shattering around me. I felt like a failure and almost unfeminine. I felt angry and resentful. I came home that night after receiving the news, and put that ceramic elephant in a drawer–slamming it shut through tear filled eyes.

As you know, my journey did not end here. Although there was that 20% chance of being able to successfully conceive a child, I did a lot of self reflecting and decided I wanted to adopt. And after 3 emotional years, I finally received that call… I had been chosen! I have told that story in great detail in previous posts. I had only 2 weeks to prepare for the birth and did not know if the baby was a boy or a girl. When I explained to my first grade class why I would be leaving them a month early from the school year, one of the first questions was, “It is a boy or a girl?” I told them I did not know and that we would call the baby “Peanut Twomey”. It just came out of my mouth–and I am still unsure why or how. There were two amazing moms in my class who threw me a last minute baby shower and guess what the theme was? Elephants and peanuts filled my room–decorations, plates, napkins, cups–you name it, that elephant was back. And at the time, I didn’t think much of it. I created a “Baby Peanut” private Facebook group for my friends and family to follow our journey and the elephant symbol stuck. Riley’s coming home onesie said “Welcome home peanut” with a picture of an elephant and a peanut.

After arriving home, one of Riley’s first gifts was a stuffed elephant from my cousin Debbie. He loved it! A few weeks later, a dear friend came over with the Flappy the Elephant (Gund) that sings and moves to “Do your Ears Hang Low”. If he didn’t already love elephants, he sure did now! And I have given this gift to every new mother since! 18 months later, Riley still gets a huge smile on his face every time he sees it! And so it was, the elephant became a symbol of happiness and joy in our house.

When it came time to plan his first birthday… I of course went with elephants! My extremely talented friend painted him a HUGE Dumbo backdrop and I went with the Circus theme. Although my brother deemed it too cheesy and he wore it under his outfit at his party, I did go on Etsy and buy him a personalized elephant onesie for his big day! His smile lit up the park when he saw his Dumbo themed cake and backdrop. Every time he sees an elephant, he points and makes the sound my mom taught him that an elephant makes (I wish this had sound so you could hear–it’s priceless)! I went on a field trip with my class in October to the Oakland Zoo, and could not wait to visit the elephants! I even took video to come home and show Riley. As Halloween passed, and Christmas decorations began to fill the stores, it was an automatic when we passed the elephant at Target. Riley was beside himself and only after some careful negotiations did he allow us to put in on the porch. There was also no way it wasn’t going to be in our Christmas picture this year. But to be honest, I really didn’t think much about how this symbol had evolved over the past 5 years. It had gone from one of hope and faith, to one of suffering, loss, and devastation—and is now one of genuine love and happiness. As I have researched more about the symbolism of an elephant I found it is one of strength and good luck. When I look down at my sweet boy every night, I feel an overwhelming sense of strength and good fortune. And now when someone asks me what my favorite animal is… you can be sure I will answer an ELEPHANT!

October 11, 2018October 14, 2018

I Have a Dream

When I began the adoption process, one of the first things I had to do was complete a home study. I met with a social worker for an interview that lasted almost 2 hours. She asked me a lot of questions about my childhood, my adult life, my beliefs and parenting philosophies. It was a lot of information to give to someone who I had just met. I remember the day we sat down to meet so clearly–in particular one part of the interview that left me confused, anxious, and unsure of myself. She was asking me about the profile of the child that I wanted to adopt–gender, race, medical needs, etc…. My response was something like, “My dream is to be a mom… I don’t care if its a boy or a girl, and has green skin with purple polka dots”! Of course, this is not the answer that would go into the home study, but I made it very clear that I honestly had no preference on gender or race. My only concern (due to financial need) was the health of the baby. I wanted to make sure that I could provide any care that was needed–so that would need to be in my profile. After I gave my answer, the woman looked up at me and asked if I was sure I was open to a baby that was not the same race as me (caucasian). I told her I was 100% positive. She went on to question me about how I would provide life experiences for my child that exposed him/her to their culture and did I have people in my life of different races for my child to be around. She truly made me feel like I was inadequate to raise a child who was “different” than me. Little did she know—until I very clearly explained it to her—I am surrounded by people in my life of all different races, religions, and cultures. As a teacher, I have been so blessed to work with students and families from so many different backgrounds and stories. It is one of my favorite parts of teaching, and one of the main reasons I changed schools a few years ago. I really wanted to work with a more diverse community–and have learned so much the last 3 years. I truly honor and appreciate differences and strive to help my students love and appreciate not only each other, but their unique selves. Even after my long winded answer, I still had a sense that she felt I should check the white/caucasian box on my profile. I actually did revise my profile for a brief amount of time after that interview and changed my preferences to be at least 50% caucasian. She made me so nervous and unsure. I wanted to be sure that I provided the very best environment for my sweet baby and she made me doubt that I could do that.

A few months after I completed my home study, I was feeling frustrated that I was not being viewed my more birth mothers. I scheduled a call with my case worker at the adoption agency to talk about how things were going. We had been on the phone for a few minutes and then she brought up my profile and preferences. She told me that the reason my profile was not being given out to more birth mothers, was because my preferences were limited. I got a pit in my stomach right away. I was nervous to share about what the social worker had said to me during my home study and that I felt forced into setting these limiting preferences. I took a deep breath and told her the story. When I was finished (and after a few tears) she told me she was so glad she had asked me about it. She said that she was always very confused by the preferences I had checked because it was so contradictory to the rest of my profile and life story. It was such a wonderful day when I was able to confidently tell her to check “open to all”!!! My sweet baby Riley was born on May 26. His birth mother is caucasian and his birth father is African American. He is absolutely beautiful inside and out.

My home study experience has been on my mind a lot this week. Anytime we are out and Riley sees a child with a baby doll, he always wants to hold and cuddle it. I was so excited to take him to Target the other day and get him a baby doll of his own. I had quite the collection of Cabbage Patch kids growing up and nothing makes me happier then to take one off the shelf for my own child! I put him in the cart and off we went to the doll aisle. As I browsed the shelf I realized that almost every doll on the shelf had white skin. It struck me in that moment that I had never paid much attention to skin color of the dolls on the shelf before. When I was a kid, all my cabbage patch kids, barbies, or dolls of any kind had white skin just like me. When I really think about it, most of the picture books I remember reading in school also had children who had the same color skin as me. I flashed back to the conversation I had with that social worker. We are lucky enough to live in a diverse community and also have a very diverse circle of friends. Riley gets to interact with people from all different races, backgrounds, and family make-ups. I have never once worried that I am cheating him out of life experiences or exposure to his own culture. And then as I was standing in that aisle in Target, I began to look at the shelves with a new lens…as the mom of a bi-racial little boy. And my heart felt a little sad… I began to ask myself: Where are all the brown dolls, the black dolls, and the dolls that reflect the diverse world we live in? As I thought about it even more, where were the dolls who were born with abnormalities or missing limbs?

As I have mentioned many times, I teach my students to love the uniqueness that makes them who they are and to appreciate our differences. When I changed school districts 3 years ago and began teaching at the school I am at now—I began to view education and the world with a new lens. I have been able to walk in the shoes of children and families who face a much different reality then me. With the recent events in the world of politics, it’s been very eye opening and sometimes very disheartening to see how far we still have to go to be truly “open to all”. I am blessed to have some wonderful friends and colleagues in my life who are always researching, learning, and trying to make a difference. We empower our students to feel proud of themselves and respect and love each other. And I will raise my sweet boy to believe the very same things. My hope and my dream is that he will grow up in a world where he is judged by the content of his character and never by the color of his skin.

October 8, 2018

Enjoy every moment

It has been a few weeks since my last post. As I have mentioned before, I teach first grade and it has been a very busy start to the year. After my sweet boy goes to bed, I am doing my skincare business. Needless to say, this is the first moment I have had to come on and write a new post. My school district is on a modified year round calendar and today begins our 2 week Fall Break. Many people are traveling over the break and I got asked a lot about what my plans were. My answer was always the same… “I am waking up every morning with my sweet boy, and spending each day together”. We are not traveling anywhere and have no set plans. I am hoping to take him to the zoo, the aquarium, and maybe even get him his first hair cut. That may sound boring to some, but I truly could not be happier.

There were many times I sat and thought about what my weekends, breaks, and summers would like if I had a child, and even cried many times wishing it was my reality. Every time I knew I was going to be on a break of any kind, I would make sure to find out if my cousins were off too or if any of my friends needed help with their munchkins. I called it “Shannycamp” and looked forward to it every year. On May 26, 2017 my dream came true and sweet Riley chose me to be his momma! Being a mom has really taught me what it means to enjoy every moment. Time goes by so fast and 16 months flew by. I look back at pictures and relive all the love and joy we have shared already. I rush home everyday to spend every minute I can with my guy before bedtime, and love the weekends! On Friday nights when I lay Riley in his bed, I whisper… momma gets to wake up with you Saturday and Sunday! Last Friday night, I was so excited to tell him that we get to wake up together every day for two weeks!

I have always been a person who has trouble living in the moment and just being still. I am always thinking about what is going to happen next or what I should be doing. I go to a yoga class and can never understand how people can be so focused for 60-90 minutes! I have tried meditation multiple times, and struggle to make it 5 minutes…. Being a mom has definitely not added more minutes in the day for yoga or meditation–and has in fact added to the list of things to think about, worry about and plan ahead for. But what is has done, is taught me to live in the moment–and as cliché as it sounds, enjoy every moment. I find myself just sitting with Riley on the floor reading a book, or looking at the elephant video I made him at the zoo, and just feel so lucky. I may not be getting everything right, and would be lying if I said that every day was easy–we are in the midst of TODDLERVILLE and days can be challenging! But there is one thing I know for sure–this little boy chose me to be his momma and it does not matter where we are or what we are doing–every day together is my favorite day.

August 31, 2018

What a Difference a Year Makes

This past summer was much different then last summer. Last year, my summer began on May 17. I got the call on May 9 that I had been chosen and Riley’s original due date was May 21. I met with my principal and we decided my last day of school would be Friday May 17. There was still almost a month left of school but I did not finish the year with my kids. I spent one week getting my house as ready as it could be and then rushed off to North Carolina that Friday morning for the birth of my sweet boy. It ended up being a much more frantic departure and travel then I had hoped for, but I made it there safely and had him in my arms by 7:30 that night. My dad flew in the next day, and the three of us spent the next week in a hotel in North Carolina waiting for the call that we could come home.

I spent the rest of the summer bonding with my baby and adjusting to my new life as a mom. Even when I type those words “life as a mom”, my heart fills with joy… “Mom life” is something I have dreamed about forever! And believe me when I say it was a dream come true. But I would be lying if I said it was an easy first year. Riley was a very intense newborn. He had some tummy/temperament issues and I spent a lot of time trying to find ways to soothe and comfort him. There were many, many, (many, many, many) sleepless nights–and some equally challenging days where I felt like nothing I did was helping. I will never forget our second night in the hotel when he was only 4 days old. He woke up screaming and my dad and I both jumped out of bed. I tried to feed him and he kept screaming. He had already been changed so I knew it wasn’t that. I walked around the room rocking and shushing, bouncing and humming, and finally got him back to sleep. We actually went back to the hospital the next morning to visit our favorite nurse and ask for advice. She suggested a tummy wrap that I could warm in the microwave and wrap around his little tummy. I downloaded Dr. Karp’s Happiest Baby on the Block calming white noise album to my phone, and we went to Walmart to get the same formula they used at the hospital and gas drops. These things worked a little, but nothing seemed to consistently work. I figured he was just getting adjusted to being out of the hospital and once we got home and into a routine, things would calm down.

Not much changed when we got home. He was not sleeping much and cried a lot. I ended up in tears many times myself and felt like I was failing my little guy. It seemed like his tummy may be the reason he was so upset–so I tried anything and everything suggested. I tried about 5 different formulas and finally decided to try a hypoallergenic one for babies with milk allergies and colic. It seemed to help a little so I stayed with it. I also took him to the doctor and the pediatrician looked at me and said, “That’s part of being an infant. It sounds like he could have reflux.” I am still convinced he gave me the prescription so I would stop emailing him. The medicine seemed to help a bit-but weren’t great. I spent hours and hours looking for ways to soothe him. I read Happiest Baby on the Block and did everything it said. I even purchased the special rocking crib that was supposed to help. He hated the car seat and the stroller, so those were no help either. We had two stability balls in the house and my brother would even stand in front of the fan on the stove in the kitchen. Needless to say, the first 8 months or so were rough. Don’t get me wrong–they were also filled with so much happiness and joy. I do not mean to make it sound like he cried all the time… He was just an intense baby and needed a lot of soothing. Nights were the hardest and like many new moms, I was exhausted. I remember people would tell me, “Don’t worry, it will get better at 4 months.” 4 months came and went and nothing changed… “Don’t worry–by 6 months, it will be better”… So I held on for 6 months…Not much change… It wasn’t until about 9-10 months that I can honestly say he was sleeping more peacefully and was not crying much at all. He was crawling all over the place and began to develop quite a little personality. By the time he turned 1 he started walking and has been on the move ever since!

Riley turned 15 months old last week, and is truly the happiest little boy! He has no allergies and no tummy issues at all. He loves to eat and is a great sleeper! He takes two solid naps a day and sleeps 11 hours a night! That little smile lights up the room and it fills my heart to see him so happy. I have always loved the belly laugh of a baby—but hearing the belly laugh of your own child is indescribable. I run for my classroom at lunchtime to see his little face on face time, and rush home as soon as I can each afternoon to scoop him up and dance around the room! The smiles, the giggles, the hugs, the kisses–and yes even those grumpy moments–this is what I waited for and it was truly worth the wait!!!!

August 25, 2018

Back to Work

It has been a few weeks since my last post. I was so flattered to have a few people message to ask where I have been. I am a first grade teacher and summer vacation came to an end. The school district I work for is on a modified year round calendar so our summer was only about 6 weeks. We got out in late June and I headed back the first week of August to prepare my classroom for a new bunch of bright-eyed munchkins. It has taken me the last 2 weeks to get back in the swing of working every day and getting into a routine. The day begins about 4AM and I don’t stop moving until about 8:00 PM (and if I am being honest, the last two weeks, I have had a hard time keeping my eyes open much past 8:30)!

I loved every minute of my summer vacation with my sweet boy! Although I love being a teacher, being a mom is definitely what I love more than anything in the world. I know being a stay at home mom is not for everyone, but I can honestly say that it would be my dream. One of the things that I worried most about when I decided to become a single mom was the financial part. It is so expensive even just to live in the Bay Area–and when you add a child to that–it is only that much more. I knew that I would need to find a way to supplement my teaching salary if I was going to raise a child on my own. It was at right about the same time that two of my life long friends presented me with an opportunity to start my own direct sales skin care business. I knew ABSOLUTELY nothing about skin care or direct sales but the one thing I did know was that I would do ANYTHING to provide the best life for my future baby (this was almost 5 years ago when I had not even started the process yet). I had no idea where it would take me, but decided to jump in and give it a shot. It ended up being the best decision I could have made personally, professionally, and most of all financially. My business is what helped me pay for a lot of the expenses on my journey (with both IVF and adoption). My business is also what allowed me to stay home with my guy for an additional six weeks when summer was last year. My school district does not provide paid maternity leave, and I was told by the insurance company that I also could not claim disability since I did not actually give birth. This meant that the only leave I could take was under FMLA (Family Leave Act) for bonding with an adopted child. I would only receive half-pay from the school district after using up my 10 sick days. So with my skin care business, I could afford to take 6 weeks. This allowed me to be home with him until he was about 5 months old (I have lots more to say about how differently adoptive parents are treated–but that is for another post). It was such a gift to be home with him and it was the first time in my teaching career that I did not want to go back to work.

Needless to say, I could not wait for summer to come and it was even harder to go back this year. I loved waking up every morning and looking over at the monitor knowing that I did not have to get up and go to work. I would listen for his little hum as he started to stir and then wait for him to sit up in his crib and wait quietly for me to come in. As soon as I opened the door, he would stick his hands on the edge of the crib and peek over with Sophie (his wub a nub pacifier) hanging out of his mouth. I can always see the big smile from behind his binky. I told him every morning how it was another momma and Ri Ri day and I didn’t have to go to work. He would look up at me, smile, and give me big hugs. There were many mornings, I got a little teary eyed as I held on tight for my morning squeezes. We spent the summer going to parks, going on play dates, playing outside, and really enjoying our time together. When people ask me if I went anywhere this summer or what I did… my answer is always the same… “I just spent the summer loving up my sweet baby boy”.

Today was the end of the second week of school. This is my 14th year teaching and I have always been the teacher who comes early, leaves late, works at night while watching tv and works all weekend (in the classroom a lot of the time). Once Riley came into my life… all of that changed. It has been a huge adjustment to not be able to spend the same amount of time planning and prepping that I did before. I felt like I was failing as a teacher for much of last year, and am so thankful to have an amazing first grade team and colleagues who helped me get through my first year as teacher and mom. This year just started but already feels better. I am working more efficiently so that when I leave work, all my time is focused on my sweet boy. I leave every day right at 3:05 so I can get in every minute with him I can before bedtime.

I also could not end this post without talking about how truly blessed I am to have the unending support and love of my family. My mom and dad take care of Riley every single day when I am at work. They call me every day on face time at lunch, so I can say hello, and if he is asleep when I leave in the morning, I even get a good morning face time before the bell rings. My brother gets home every day before me, and comes right in to help. He is off on Fridays and lets me get up every Friday morning and go to the gym. Riley and I could not be luckier and don’t let a day go by without telling them how much we love and appreciate them.

So as I sit here at the end of week 2, I am feeling a range of emotions… I am feeling thankful for two jobs that I love…. appreciative and thankful to my supportive friends and colleagues for all they do for me… I am exhausted from the last two weeks… and I am invigorated and excited that I get to wake up tomorrow morning and spend the whole day with my boy!!!!