Learning as we grow….

I have been around children my whole life and as I have said many times, I could not wait to be a mom. I remember when my best friend’s little sister was born in 4th grade. I was SO jealous she had a baby at home, and loved going over to their house to play with her (her mom still blames me that she walked late because I carried her around everywhere she went)! Soon after that, my aunt had a baby boy, and I was so excited to go the hospital to meet him. She would let me come over to her house to “help” take care of him and I would literally follow her around the house from room to room. I began babysitting in the 8th grade and my first job was in the day care at my local gym. My best friend and I used to work on the weekends after crew practice in high school and I loved every minute. Nothing changed as I got older. No matter where I went, I always found myself drawn to where the little ones were–and even traveled with friends to take care of their children for family events. It is this love of children that led me to teaching, and the moment I stepped into the classroom, I knew I had found my calling. This year I began my 15th year, and continue to feel inspired by my students and my colleagues every day.

I always tell my students (and their families) that I am their school mom, and can honestly say I consider every child I have taught my own. Parents come to me all the time asking for advice on ways to best support their child at home–academically, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Nothing makes me happier than to be able to share what I know. I can be very critical of myself, and the one area of my life that I have always felt most confident in was when I am working with children.

I can honestly say that I never felt worried or scared about becoming a mom until the day I got the call that I had been chosen. The moment I hung up the phone that morning, I worried the birth parents would change their mind, and no longer think I was the best choice. Once I was positive I was their choice, I worried about the baby being born healthy and without complications. Once I knew he was a healthy baby boy, I worried about getting him back home (across the country) safe and sound. I thought that once I got home, these worries and fears would diminish…. and they did to a point.. however, nothing could have prepared me for the feeling of being a mom. I waited my whole life and love my little boy with my whole heart and soul. I am always worried I am making the right choice and want to do only the best for him. I mentioned in earlier posts that he had a tough first 6-7 months–he spent a lot of time crying and there were many times I actually sat down on the floor in tears myself feeling like I was failing him. My only job as his mom is to keep him safe and make him feel comforted and loved no matter what. It is a horrible feeling when you are trying thing after thing and nothing seems to help. People would tell me, “Don’t worry, you are doing everything right. He will grow out of it”…. I wanted so much to believe it–but there were days when it was very hard.

Riley is now 15 months old, sleeps through the night, and has definitely grown out of his tummy issues.  He has no allergies and is a very healthy little boy. He is a genuinely happy little boy who cries very little… Of course there are those moments when he is not getting his way (totally normal) but overall he is almost always smiling, laughing, and having fun! So does the worrying stop? NO WAY! I worry every day I leave for work that he will be sad I am leaving. I worry every Tuesday when I have to stay late for a faculty meeting that he will be mad at me for being late. I worry every night I lay him down to sleep that he might wake up crying. I worry when I think about him going to school. Where will he go to school? Will he like it? Will his teachers be loving? Will the other kids be nice to him? Will he have learning issues? The worries don’t stop–but I do know that we will get through everything together–one step at a time, one day at a time, and sometimes one hour at a time.

I was not exactly sure what to title this post. I decided on “learning as WE grow” because no matter how prepared I thought I was to be a mom, I continue to learn new things every single day. I have also learned that I won’t get everything right the first time, but what I will do is love my sweet boy and do everything I can to give him the best life possible. He has taught me what unconditional love truly means and when he looks up at me, I honestly do feel like SUPERMOM.