For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a mom. I grew up in a very loving home with my parents and my twin brother. My parents got married when they were 22 and had my brother and I when they were 24. My dad worked and my mom stayed home to take care of us. Most of my childhood friends grew up in much the same way and that is how I formed my vision of what a family looked like. Boy meets girl. Boy marries girl. Boy and girl have children. Dad goes to work. Mom stays home to take care of the kids. I had it all planned out in my head….my daddy walking me down the aisle when I was 22 years old to marry the man of my dreams. I would have my first baby when I was 24 just like my mom–it was all set in my mind. Perfect plan…. Right?
At the age of 22, I had just graduated from USF and was working in the payroll/accounting department at the company my father worked at. I was dating here and there, but not in any committed relationship. I did realize I was behind the “timeline” in my head–however, none of my friends or social circle were married either, so it did not phase me much. I decided to go back to school to earn my teaching credential… the other thing I knew from a very young age, was that I wanted to be a teacher… Again, the vision in my head held me back from following that dream initially (I was worried my parents would be disappointed if I was not a business girl who made more money), but then one day I woke up and knew teaching was my passion. My parents were of course very supportive and told me they would be proud of me no matter what I wanted to do. They just wanted me to be happy. I only include this part of the story because it paints a more clear picture of this vision or belief that I had in my head, of how my life was supposed to play out.
I entered the credential program, and before I knew it I was 24–still single, not in any serious relationship. My parents already had my brother and I by now… but again, none of my friends were married yet–so I really wasn’t too concerned. In the meantime, I began my teaching career, and from the moment I stepped foot in the classroom, I knew it was my calling. I truly love each child that comes through my door like they are my own, and tell them I am their school mom. Every year I taught, it became more clear to me just how much I wanted to be a mom. When I was about 29 years old, my baby cousin was born and something inside of me shifted. Her and I shared a very special bond from the moment she was born and I felt a love I had never felt before. I took care of her every day for a whole summer and that is when I knew that I was ready to be a mom. However, I was still single, and still very worried that this did not match the “vision” in my head. It was also at this time that my friends started getting married and having kids of their own. I worried what people would think and say if I had a baby as a single woman. I decided to give myself a deadline. If I was not married by the time I was 35, I was going to have a baby on my own.
By the time I turned 35, I had completed the masters program, bought my first home, and started a skincare business to supplement my teaching salary. I felt very settled in my professional life and financially stable. But still there was something missing. Every time I saw someone walk by with a baby, a little piece of my heart broke… and as each of my friends called to tell me they were pregnant, I was genuinely so happy for them… and at the same time, a little more sad each time. I had no doubt in my mind that I was ready to be a mom and that I was ready to do it on my own. I was lucky enough to have the amazing support of my family the entire way. My newly retired parents wanted nothing more then to be grandparents and assured me I would never have to worry about paying for day care. My twin brother and I were living together, and he was also very supportive (we still live together now and he is an amazing uncle to my sweet boy). I realized that my path may not look the same as everyone else’s—and was not at all the wayI imagined it as a little girl, but that did not matter. It is love that makes a family, and that is what matters. I still remember the day that I said out loud for the first time, I am going to be a mom!